Roundtable

The SPJ staff discuss a variety of topics.

“I’m Alive and On Fire”

Sookie, a blog woman holding a red blanket, stands next to Alcide, a shirtless werewolf.

BLOODY GOOD
The Show Can Have Fun
I take back every negative thing I ever thought about the Amnesia Eric plotline. Even if it goes south, as it almost inevitably will, it’s been a lot of fun so far. Not only has it brought out the best in Sookie, it has allowed for the show to not focus on everything being serious business all the time. I mean, not everything has to be over dramatic problems! Sometimes characters can be drunk and challenge gators to fight and where gym shorts that crack me up and it’s fine. -Z

[I concur. I almost wish Eric would stay amnesiac forever, but we know that won't happen. I'm hoping when Eric does finally get his memory back that maybe Amnesiac Eric's quirks will sort of be incorporated into Eric 3.0's personality. Maybe nuEric will realize that basketball shorts are really comfortable and keep right on wearing them -D]

Witches!
I’m actually enjoying the witch plotline. Anything that gives Lafayette and Tara a compelling storyline (even if Jesus is settling too much into “blah support system boyfriend” mode) and Fiona Shaw does a good job as Marnie (and as “Marnie possessed by that other scary witch lady”). Who knew? This show can introduce new, interesting characters! -D

Sookie and Bill: Better Apart
We all suspected, but never have confirmed, that breaking up would be the best way to make these two tolerable together. For one, it’s gotten their screen time together down considerably. For another, it makes the more like individual characters and less like a horrible, dull monster called Sookill. Or whatever the shipper name is. Plus, the scene where Sookie lies to Bill features some really fine acting from everyone. You see the conflict, the mistrust, and the heartbreak in both characters without anyone have to shout about it or analyze it for the next three episodes. -Z

[I think we are in agreement on this too. I think that besides having to endure the Mickenses and stupid Sam/Jason plots these last few years, the main Billookie stuff has gotten annoying/boring too, so it's nice to see them separate a little. Even the scenes of Bill and Sookie were decent, since at least Sookie's finally "maturing" a bit, being able to lie right back at Bill about Eric's whereabouts. -D]

Sam and Jason’s Shoes
You know I’m bored with certain storylines on this show when I start marveling at peoples’ shoes. I noticed I liked Jason’s when he was hiding in a tree from methwolves, and I noticed Sam’s when he was talking to his love interest that no one was clamoring for. I’m starting to feel like Christian in Clueless, but I’d rather have less “nice stems” and more stories that are interesting. -D

Plots Can Move Forward
Instead of bickering with Sam week after week, Tommy actually does something! And his reunion with his mom was sort of sweet, before the inevitable double cross. Hot Shot is over (for now) and we won’t have to see Jason tied up to the bed screaming anymore! The witches actually do some stuff! Sam….meets a girl, I guess, and I don’t care, but I didn’t want to punch him once! Arlene’s baby (or that creepy fucking doll) actually did something to justify all the screeching! Moreover, there was no screeching! Hoyt and Jessica were in the episode without fighting and were useful!I think the pacing was well done this week–even though there was a lot of emphasis on some of my less-than-favorite plotlines, they mixed them together well and moved them to a more interesting point. Which is complimenting a TV show for doing what it should, but that’s where my bar is at. -Z

[I think this is where Zoe and I disagree the most. I'm glad to see Jessica and Hoyt doing something besides arguing, sure. And the show finally remembered Hoyt and Jason know each other! It could be interesting to see if Jessica and Jason bond at all now that he's tasted her blood. But man, I really don't need any more plots involving Crystal, the Mickens or Sam's ladyfriend. I like Tommy more than Zoe, and his earnest reunion with his mother was sweet, but ultimately stupid. I don't want to see Tommy's mommy back, especially if that also means the return of her stupid abusive husband. We finally escaped the dog fighting storyline of last year. Do we really need it back? Considering Crystal said she'd see Jason come the next full moon, I doubt we've seen the last of her either. Can't we just say goodbye to these characters and actually mean it? -D]

Alcide and Sookie=BFFLs
I really appreciate that right now Alcide is not part of the….square or octagon or whatever it is with Sookie, but is instead actually being a friend. I’m a big booster of friendship on this show, and I’m glad that these two actually seem to have each others backs. For now. Until Debbie tries to stab her. -Z

[I like these two as pals too. I mean, eventually I'm sure they'll act on their flirtatious friendship, but I like that Sookie is staying single for all of a few episodes, instead of jumping from bed to bed. I mean, she's still way too dependent on dudes for everything, but at least right now Alcide's just a really good friend, not necessarily the night storming the castle to rescue her -D]

Calling It Like You See It
Last episode, Jason was gang raped and this episode he talked about being gang raped. Likewise, Tara clearly labeled what happened to her last season as torture and rape. I know a lot of people like to try and dance around these terms, especially in the context of TV shows they like (looking at you Game of Thrones) so it was really wonderful to have a show point out that what something looked like, it was, and it was pretty messed up too. -Z

Everyone Was Shirtless
Self-explanatory. -Z

[More than shirtless, really. Alcide and Eric had a whole argument while naked. Jason spend a bunch of time merely draped in a blanket. I'm starting to think all the were-people were just brought on to work nudity into the plot even more. RIP Crystal's boyfriend whose name I can never bother to remember but died a naked death -D]

BITES
Sookie’s Memory
Turns out more than one person got amnesia! Because when Amnesia Eric is depressed because he didn’t get to naked wrestle–I mean, never see sunlight again–Sookie starts talking about how Normal Eric was totally happy all the time. Granted, Normal Eric was never a depressed, mopey guy, but happy? All the time? Really, Sookie? Because Amnesia Eric has already smiled and laughed more in two episodes than Normal Eric has in four seasons, so I’m calling bullshit. -Z

[Yeah, I thought this too. Old Eric isn't exactly a happy-go-lucky guy. I mean, he's not mopey, except maybe Godrick died, but he's still sort of (un)dead serious most of the time. -D]

Poor Portia
What was the point of introducing Portia to the show, besides to introduce the incest storyline and spout ridiculous lines like “I’m a lawyer, Bill!” in the heat of arguments? I hope with Bill and his ancestor Portia’s relationship over (and it better be over?), that she can focus on helping her relatives out. Surely V-addicted Andy and evil baby-afflicted Terry can use the help. -D

Bad Parenting
Seriously, would you let your kid play with a burned, rotting doll? Even if someone gave it to you as a present? Hell no! You politely thank them and ditch that shit ASPA. So why is Lil Dex still gnawing on the doll? It’s not normal, and it’s going to be worse if it turns out the doll is the root problem (also: dumb). -Z

UnPretty Pam
I get that the show needed to have Pam “go through” something and being that so many of the rest of the characters have already been sexually assaulted, I guess effing up Pam’s face was the only way to go? Why couldn’t the witches just erase Pam’s memory too? Maybe an amnesiac (but still quippy, I can’t live without my Pam bon mots) Pam could get nursed back to health by Tara, and Sookie and Tara could share in the fun of having secret vampire rendezvous? Someone get Alan Ball on the phone, so I can pitch story ideas! -D

Incest
Ok, so I found Bill’s plotline pretty amusing, actually, especially because it was incest so far removed, but good lord Hot Shot. Not only is it bad that everyone is sleeping with everyone else, but they keep calling each other “father-uncle” and “cousin-mother” and it makes me want to punch something. The only person who can say that is Buster Bluth and if you’re not him knock it off. -Z

[I think this was another "it was in the books" sort of thing that Alan Ball felt the need to place in the series, but to say that's reason enough is kind of crap. Sookie's fairy godmother is in the books more and that didn't mean anything here. Also, sometimes "it's in the book" just isn't a good enough reason. See also: Crystal. I also think Alan Ball likes the idea of having incest on his HBO shows because it's the "last taboo." Brenda and Billy had a creepy relationship on Six Feet Under and now it's rearing its head here. If nothing else is off limits, I guess Ball feels this isn't either. But groan. -D]

Each week Dennis and I assemble a list of our favorite (and least favorite) moments of the latest episode of True Blood.

“If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin’?”

Sookie, a blonde girl in a red dress, stands next to Eric, a blonde vampire in gym clothes
BLOODY GOOD
Snooki and Eric
I like that the show finally found its sense of humor again this season. One of the things I loved about season one was that it never took itself too seriously. As season two and three progressed, sure there were memorable moments, but save from Pam, Eric, and Lafayette’s comic relief moments everyone else acted like they were in a vampire-infested Ibsen play. I like that amnesiac Eric thought Sookie shared the same name as a certain GTL-loving Jersey Shore cast member, and I smiled at Sookie’s ending line about Eric killing her fairy godmother. -D

[Seriously! While I remain skeptical of the likely end game of this plot, this episode played it with the perfect amount of goofiness. I'm willing to go along with anything for now, as long as Eric keeps that wonderful dumb expression on his face. -Z]

Tara, Lafayette, and Jesus Having Fun
It’s a testament to how rare it is on this show that it even needs to be noted, but how cute was that dinner? Teasing! Camaraderie! Laughter! It’s so nice to have a break from the relentless pace of people being gang-raped and vampire attacked to just see some people have fun. I only wish it happened more, and that the very fact that it happened didn’t mean one of those character is probably going to die before the season is over. -Z

Jessica Even Brightens Up Bill
Even if it’s sort of unbelievable how quickly Bill and Jessica’s de facto father-daughter relationship bloomed (though, at least it was planted long before the year flash forward, unlike the Maxine/Tommy insta-family), it was nice to see boring old Bill giving Jess some Hoyt advice… even if we knew she was going to eventually end up ignoring it anyway. Teenagers! -D

A Good Use of Arlene
I still hate Arlene and her stupid Lil Dex plot more than anything (except methwolves), but she was finally used correctly in her reaction to Jessica giving her baby a trash doll. I mean, the trash doll was great comedy throughout the episode (has it been around before? Am I not remembering something important?) but never funnier than when Terry wanted Arlene to pretend it was a great, child-appropriate gift. -Z

Debbie’s Not Dead
Ok, every time I’d tried to refresh my memory with friends about what the hell happened last season, each time we get to Debbie, no one could remember how her storyline ended. I still can’t, but I guess “SHE DIED” was not the correct answer? I’m glad that Deb ended up getting a makeover and got clean (gone is the V-addicted, mulleted werewolf of yester-season). And I’m happy Sookie was actually not an idiot for once and realized that putting Eric in a house with someone trying to recover from an addiction to his blood might be a bad idea. -D

[SO DISAGREE! Isn't one pair of methwolves enough? Ditch Debbie et. al. was the best part of the jump forward, but I guess not anymore! BOOOOOOO. -Z]

Sam and Tara
As it turns out, there are other ways to make Sam interesting than having him hang out with people naked. Even fully clothed, Sam and Tara have good chemistry, and I like that they got a few friendly (but still maybe a little flirty) minutes to catch up before Tara went running off on her Lafayette adventure. -D

Sookie, Kicking Ass
Eric was being silly when he said there was a badass fairy Sookie and then normal, human Sookie. But there is a Sookie I like a lot more than any other, and that is “I am so sick of this shit” Sookie, which we got to see a lot of this episode. From punching Eric in the face, to asking to be paid for taking care of the mess, to hearing about witches and saying”oh great, another fucking thing to deal with”, fed up and impatient Sookie is the best kind. Dumb Eric would be fantastic on his own, but paired with a Sookie who’s even remotely interesting as a character? TV gold. -Z

Finally! Wooden Bullets
Wooden bullets really seem to be picking up in popularity. First Bill and his human back-up offed the Queen with some, and now Tara’s pointing some at Pam (and did I detect a little crushing on Pam’s part as she looked down Tara’s gun?). My only question is, why didn’t Tara just point the wooden bullets at Eric last week, instead of busting out the (far less reliable) stake? I guess then we wouldn’t have a plot. But good for Tara for growing. She’s learning the Bon Temps facts of life! -D

Practical Portia
I liked Portia’s proposal for sexytime with Bill (I wonder if we’ll meet her three previous flames. Is the gay one Lafayette? Are there any other gays in Bon Temps?). And, I like that she seems to know what she wants. But oh god, please don’t have Portia turn into a love-crazy fool in like two episodes, show. Not every adult woman in a sexual relationship turns into a commitment-crazed psycho. Didn’t you see that Natalie Portman/Ashton Kutcher movie? Or that Justin Timberlake/Mila Kunis movie? Ok, me either, but either way, avoid the cliches! -D

[I know one book spoiler about Portia, which makes this whole plot very strange. Also, the only thing I care less about than Bill pretending he's a badass King is his love life. Add on the fact that the actress playing Portia played one of my least favorite Dexter character (and that's saying something), meh. Even if I appreciate her logic. -Z]

BITES
Jason and Hoyt
While it’s nice for the dudes to be the victims on this show for once (Sookie and Tara have certainly been through enough), I still feel bad for former pals Hoyt and Jason (seriously, does this show even remember these two used to be kind of besties? Or did Rene turning out to be a serial killer put a damper on their threeway bromance?). Hoyt got glamoured by Jessica (although, I’m even more nervous all of Jessica and Hoyt’s problems ever are going to be chalked up to the creepy haunted doll), and oh god, Jason got raped. Because this show hasn’t had enough rape yet? Do we remember how well that went over last season with Tara? Does this mean Jason is going to be gay next season? Or does that rule only apply to ladies for these writers? I actually do hope Tara and Jason bond even more, and start a rape survivor’s group at some point soon. Here’s hoping no one else in this damned town has to attend, though. -D

[THANK YOU! The image of Jason being gang-raped was really disturbing because, well, remember when he used to be the fun sorta dumb guy? Bring that back, show! The idea of a Tara/Jason survivors group appeals to me, but at least point the whole damn town probably has PTSD so any meeting would really just be...an episode of this show. No wonder they're all messed up. -Z]

Addicted Andy
Last week I was happy that we got to see some quality flashbacks to the previous year, but one that’s clearly necessary but so far MIA is Andy’s flashback. (Who knew I’d ever be clamoring for Andy backstory?) How the hell did the sheriff get addicted to V? I’d rather see that, and then Jason helping his policeman pal get past his addiction, over any werepanter gang-rapes, thankyouverymuch. -D

A Few Head-scratchers
The show made a point of mentioning that Eric entered the witches hangout spot. Wouldn’t one of them have had to invite him in? Are we going to find out more about that at some point? Or were the writers hoping by nonchalantly mentioning it that we’d never think about it again?

Also, Sookie couldn’t have used any of her fairy powers to try and get Eric off of her fairygodmother? The chick just admitted to helping save her life in episode one and Sookie couldn’t even try and replay the favor? Does this mean it’ll be easier to kill Sookie? Because she’s kind of a moron, as has been often established I don’t think she needs any godmother-less handicaps hurting her any further. -D

[I think since the witches met in a store, Eric didn't need an invite. And really, I'd just love any sort of consistency in Sook's fairy powers other than "deux ex machina" writing. -Z]

Fairies are the Worst
Well, at least at doing  anything. Sookie wasn’t kidding–those people are useless. The one time Sookie’s fairy godmother ever helped her was all the way back in season one? Sure, she has to avoid vampires, but what about all the werewolves and panthers and greek goddesses that have been trying to destroy Sookie’s life? What about protecting the people she cares about from being gang-raped by werepanthers so that Sookie doesn’t have to clean up that mess too? What about doing anything other than “sending some energy” into a chain once. Ugh. If the fairies get destroyed, it is probably their own fault. -Z

Each week Dennis and I assemble a list of our favorite (and least favorite) moments of the latest episode of True Blood.

“You Smell Like Dinner”

Jason, a white guy with a 6-pack, lays on a bed shirtless, while Crystal, a white woman, straddles him.

BLOODY GOOD
Tara and Sookie Being Friends
Sure, it was for about 30 seconds, but nothing made me happier than seeing Tara and Sookie actually seem like best friends. On a show where every relationship is either about fucking, trying to fuck, or being friends that are angry and hateful towards each other. What fun! But for once we got to see two friends act the part, complete with hugs and understanding, and it was fantastic. I know Tara is universally hated, but I’m not really on the bandwagon and it was nice to see her involved in a plot that wasn’t about being shit upon for once. Best 30 seconds of the season so far! -Z

[I agree, it's nice to see Sookie and Tara as friends. I think their friendship is actually one of the most endearing relationships on the show, along with the Jason/Sookie scenes that happen approximately once every millennium. I got nervous when Tara seemed to consider Lafayette's text less than urgent last episode, so I'm glad to see Tara showed up cheery and understanding about her pal's mysterious disappearance. sort of feel like Tara's turning a corner for me as I note below, though ask me again in a few episodes.--D]

A Smarter, More Open Tara
It appears this Tara 2.0 is managing to stick for a whole two episodes now! I liked that the show had Tara clue her cousin in to her newfound same-sex relationship off-screen. It’s nice to know even though Sookie might’ve been gone, some things happened in the last year besides new haircuts for all. I imagine there will still be an eventual “coming out” scene between Tara and Sookie, but considering Sookie’s flirtations with vampires and werewolves, I hope Sookie’s less than phased comparatively.

Also, good for Tara for having a stake handy. Although, I’d argue a gun with wooden bullets would’ve been more successful. -D

RIP Queen Sophie
Bravo to True Blood for killing off arguably its biggest (or second biggest, Anna Paquin’s got an Oscar, Evan Rachel Wood just has Thirteen and a tabloid following) star. I like that the show realizes that in order to grow and move storylines along, it has to make some sacrifices. Plus, as anyone who read this column last year can attest, I was never much a fan of ERW’s weird Madonna/Johnny Depp quasi-British accent, and her ability to suck scenes dry with over-the-top-theatrics. -D

Flashbacks!
The best part of a show that features several hundred year old vampires is that you can have ridiculous, historically inaccurate flashbacks. Angel was a master of this, but True Blood is catching up with the “Bill the Punk Rocker” flashback. I’m not sure what amused me more–the use of Moyer’s real accent or the idea that Bill was ever cool–but it was a lot of fun. But not more fun than the flashback to a year ago that featured Bill wearing a wig of Bill’s hair last year. That’s the stuff that keeps me watching ever week. Well, that and giggling over how wee Bill is. -Z

[As Desperate Housewives, Lost, Brothers & Sisters, and other various ABC drama series over-reliant on the flash forward can attest, the best thing about the story crutch are the flashbacks to the unseen years that we skipped, and I think that's true here. It was nice to see how Bill faced off against the Queen, but I'm still not a fan of the way-back (well, if the 1980s can be considered way back, considering I was actually alive then) flashbacks. Did we really need Bill feasting and glamouring another human ? I guess the Nan scene gave important context, but why'd we have to endure ten minutes of fake British accents and scenes with a bartender we'll never see again to get there? -D]

Fantasia’s Bathroom Art
Obviously the focus of this scene was how Jessica is betraying Hoyt (relationships: they are always awful forever) and how Sookie being yelled at by someone is awesome, but seriously, check out how amazing this mural is. I bet Pam drew it. I love you, Pam! -Z

Sookie attempts to enter a bathroom stall in front of a mural of a girl crying over a toiler and a bat on the ceiling.

Tara Hating Everything
First, given the shitty time she’s had the last…however many months the first three seasons were (2?), this makes sense. Second, even though I know we all have boners for Eric, he was attacking her family and it makes sense that she would want to stake his ass. Ditto hating Bill who, you know, left her chained up to be tortured and raped by Franklin. Third, I appreciate that the hate isn’t bitter “I secretly hate myself, but I’ll hate this instead” TV hate, but rather “this shit is messed up and I’m going to call it that” hate. Right on. -Z

More Continuity
Remember when Eric chained Lafayette up, beat him, and gave him horrible PTSD? Well, I didn’t, but amazingly the show did! So glad to see the continuity trend continue, especially stuff that remember that Eric is a big, bad, moral neutral guy who’s done horrible things. It’s not all microwaves and new doors, people, and it shouldn’t be. -Z

BITES
Arlene and Her Stupid Baby
You know what I really, really don’t care about? Whether or not Lil Dexter is going to grow up and ax murder Arlene and everyone else in Bon Temps. Not when I wish he’d ax murder her now and put us all out of our misery. I don’t care about Arlene shrieking, I don’t care about Lil Dex, and I don’t care about the idea of deterministic genes. Unfortunately, I do care about Terry wearing a baby sling, so I guess I can tolerate this dumb, time-filling plot a little more. -Z

[Yeah, maybe it's because I'm reading We Need to Talk About Kevin and just got Elephant from Netflix, but I think I've reached my fill of miniature psychopaths this year. Like, is Arlene's stupid evil baby going to end up being this season's big bad? I guess he's at least more terrifying than the stupid were-panthers. I feel like Arlene's Rosemary Baby baby is just a reason to keep her and Terry in every episode. I think maybe it's time to stop trying so hard to get all the tertiary characters in every episode. See also: Andy and his V addiction. -D]

Amnesia
I know it’s from the books. I know Eric’s face was hilarious when Sookie found him. I know there will be funny lines as a result of this plot line. And that’s all good. But I also suspect it will be used to turn Eric into a do-gooding woobie with a heart of gold and a forgiveness for all the killing and lying and Lafayette torturing in his past. And I think that’s bunk. I’m fine with an evil character being redeemed, but that works a lot better when they earn it through actual redemption and effort, not because they got knocked upside the head with some Latin and now Sookie wants to give them doe-eyes. I’ve never read the books, so I have no idea of the actual outcome of this plot, but I’m not excited about the possibilities. Of course, this being True Blood, the writers will ignore all good possibilities and burn through the bad ones in an episode. So who knows. -Z

[I'm ready to go along with this storyline for a bit. If this is what finally gives Sookie and Eric some much needed make out time, without Eric proclaiming Sookie his property, I'm all for it. I hope amnesiac Eric bonds with Lafayette while he's getting his do-over. But I just fear, being familiar enough with Days of Our Lives plot-lines, that by mid-season, Eric will have his memory back and will begin faking his amnesia to manipulate poor dumbass, doe-eyed Sookie. -D]

Jason and the Methwolves
Oh, please, please, please can this plot end. I’m not sure what made me angrier: the stupid forward licking or everything else that happened, but I wanted it to end so badly. Jason is such a fun character that is consistently brought down by his dumb terrible plots featuring cracked out girls who he falls in love with for the sake of cracked out stories. Can’t he just be a nice, stupid guy who walks around shirtless? Barring that, can’t we put him back in the religious cult? I think that was the only Jason plot I actually liked and it would give him the chance to interact with Eric, possibly the greatest team-up the show can do. -Z

[Yeah this storyline is my least favorite storyline and the one I'm least pleased to see carried over from last season. While the writers have wisely jettisoned most of the stuff that didn't work. Crystal and co are back and more irksome than ever. I was hoping Jason being a cop would've meant that we'd see more of the buddy cop movie he and Andy seemed to star in last year, with Jason only popping up in Hot Shot for a few minutes a season just to remind us that he's saved the were-folk from their meth-addicted ways. -D]

Don’t Play It Again, Sam
While Sam isn’t a tertiary character like Arlene and the Bellefleurs, I still feel like he’s being unnecessarily placed in every episode even though he lacks an interesting storyline. No one cares about his newfound group of changeling pals, or his brotherly angst with Tommy. I think everyone can envision the writer’s room for the Sam/Tommy scenes. “Hm, these conversations are getting increasingly boring and repetitive. What can we do to make people care about it? Have them both be naked!” Points for that, I guess. Why do I get the feeling that when Sam found out from his other naked scene partner Luna (I had to look up her character’s name, since I cannot be paid to care) that she can turn into her family member after she killed her, that Sam or Tommy will be dead and impersonating the other by season’s end? And even the promise of that isn’t all that intriguing! The last time I cared about Sam was when he was having dreams with his vampire blood connected frenemy Bill. Why not do more with that dropped storyline? Being that Bill’s king storyline hardly seems like it’ll sustain itself over the course of the season, I think it’s time to put these two together and hopefully cancel the boring out. -D

Each week Dennis and I assemble a list of our favorite (and least favorite) moments of the latest episode of True Blood.

“She’s Not Here”

BLOODY GOOD
Jessica and Hoyt: A True-to-Life-ish True Blood Romance
I’m digging the direction that Jessica and Hoyt are going. Yep, (and yay!) these two are still together. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t weathering some problems. He’s mad she isn’t making him dinner (I thought Hoyt would be more progressive than that, but whatever), and she has a wandering vampire eye. I hope they survive! -D

[Oh man, DISAGREE! I love Hoyt and Jessica to pieces, but apparently because they were the only people on the show who weren't grumpy, pointlessly angry assholes, that had to change! I'm not going to assume too much based off a few scenes in one episode, but glle. -Z]

Bill and the Elderly
Look, I’m as much anti-Bill as anyone (so boring!) but Bill speaking at retirement centers and doing ribbon cuttings? The role he was born to play! If that was Bill’s entire plotline this year (and sadly, it’s not) I would be the happiest camper. Bill as a grumpy town council member is so much more realistic and interesting to me than Bill as angry vampire king. -Z

Pam, Vampire Advisor
I like that Pam is giving Jessica love advice (even if, sadly, that advise is to dump Hoyt, she got some good zingers in). More of this, show! -D

[Pam continues to be the best reason to watch this show (my notes from the episode: Yay Pam, boo everything else! Even her stilted reading of the Fangtasia ad bullshit was just perfect. Pam! -Z]

Continuity
Remember that bellboy from the first season? He’s back for five minutes! I have to admit, I’m a little impressed. -Z

Finally! Time Passes!
After having to suspend my disbelief that all of this stuff was happening to these characters over the course of just a number of days, I’m happy the show has finally skipped ahead a bit. -D

Lafayette’s Hair
Is awesome. Keep being awesome, Lafayette. And your boyfriend is adorable. Just get him to stop forcing you to do stuff you’re not comfortable with and I will be happy forever. -Z

Bring on the Bellefleurs!
Having some idea of characters in the books (having read the first book and an obscene amount of Wikipedia entries on the rest of the series) I’m happy to see Andy’s sister has finally shown up on screen. Maybe this lawyer can be a more fleshed out female character than most of those in Bon Temps? -D

Good for You, Tara
Even though she makes the “Bites” section too, since, well, it’s Tara, I am pleased with one thing this show did: After seeing Tara ride out of town, she has actually spent the last off-screen year out of town. Though I’m sure Tara’s non-Bon Temps time won’t last much longer… -D

[Tara not being in Bon Temps--and having an apparently lie-based, but otherwise good relationship--made me really happy. Tara is wrongly hated on, I feel, and last year got especially bad. It's nice to see her happy even if it's fleeting. -Z]

Tommy Fortenberry
Much as Tommy got kind of annoying by the end of last season, and we kind of were fine with his likely demise, I’m intrigued that he’s alive and somehow latched on to mother from hell Maxine Fortenberry. What happened to Maxine’s plan to stake Jessica? And what happened to her partner-in-crime, Hoyt’s crazy doll-loving ex Summer? Maybe Summer and Tommy can shack up and have lots of creepy babies. And then their creepy baby can grow up and date Rene and Arlene’s creepy doll decapitating kid! I demand another flash forward so we can make this happen. -D

[Thoroughly DISAGREE. The best thing about last season was that Tommy might be dead, but sigh guess not. The replacement Hoyt aspect is intriguing, though. -Z]

BITES
Time Jumps!
Time jumps are typically the arena of lazy writers trying to get plots to move forward without the work. Fortunately for us True Blood viewers, it hardly matters because it’s a year later and everyone is still arguing over the same dumb shit. Sookie may have lost a year, but save for a few job title changes, she’s going to catch up really fast. Sam still a moody dick? Check! Andy still somehow a police officer? Check! Arlene still thinking that serial killing is somehow in DNA instead of reading a damn book? Check! Eric and Bill still having a dick measuring contest over Sookie’s precious flower? Check! Lafayette still not so sure he wants to be magic, but is being forced to anyone because no one respects his boundaries? Check and check! Welcome back, Sooks.

In Louisiana Everyone Gets New Haircuts Once a Year
Ok, so we flashed forward a year, and we’re trying to signify some stuff has changed here. But, does that mean everyone have to look differently to signify this. Eric, Bill, and Jesus all look newly freshened, whether it be new do’s, or vampire/’witch chemical peels, and Jason got a dumb goatee. Although it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Jason would think he had to grow facial hair to be a serious police officer . -D

Fairyland
I’m so glad the fairy reveal was built up so much so that we could find out that fairies are…evil elves? Or something? And they feast on light? And time runs differently? I don’t expect all my questions to be answered (or, honestly, care if they are) but I’m glad they were able to waste so much time to get Sookie to cry over another person’s death. Hopefully that watch is a super important plot point! -Z

Bad Use of Good Wife Cast Members
Following in the grand tradition of recurring Good Wife judge/last season’s big bad Denis O’Hare, it’s nice to see other Good Wife familiar faces Gary Cole and Chris Butler showing up this year. But, surely they could’ve been utilized better. With Good Wife, The West Wing, and The Brady Bunch movies, Gary Cole is a big enough name to have him do more than show up as Sookie’s long-lost grandpappy, and then immediately die. What was the point of bringing him back? Just to give a watch to Jason before oops, accidentally dying? Couldn’t he have just stayed in Fairyland with everyone else? And Chris Butler didn’t get much screen time either, playing one of Sam’s weird changeling friends. Is Sam a changeling swinger now? Were they having a horse orgy (a hor-gy?) So many questions that I’m not sure I want answers to. -D

No One Understands Sookie
When Andy said to Sookie “You’re not the type of person to leave without telling no one” I laughed a lot. Isn’t that exactly the type of person Sookie is? Isn’t that exactly what she’s been doing for the last three seasons? I mean, granted, never for a year, but it’s hardly out of character. -Z

Eric Is Creepy
Isn’t he the vampire we’re supposed to like? Aren’t the writers aware there is a difference between rooting for the sexy bad boy (hot) and rooting for the creepy dude who wants to possess a lady (not hot)? I guess not, because Eric bought her house so he could own her. Awesome. At the very least, isn’t Eric savvy enough to say something charming, like Jason wanted to sell it and he didn’t want Sookie to lose it when she got back, rather than taking about owning her? Vampires! They have more time to study human behavior than anyone and yet they still really suck at it. -Z

Ugh. Tara
Last we saw Tara, she was riding off to parts unknown, with her shiny new car and her fancy new haircut. Now, a year later, Tara’s hair is grown out (I guess she got a haircut about a year too soon?), and she’s an extreme fighting lesbian. Well, sure. There were stupid blind items on stupid websites about how one of the characters was going to “go gay” (who hasn’t at this point? Well, Hoyt and Jessica, but I’m sure they’ll be having bi-curious threesomes by midseason anyway), and many speculated it was Tara because if it had been anyone more interesting the item wouldn’t have been blind. But the stupid blind items explained that it “made sense” for the character to be gay. I find it sort of offensive that the show is like, yeah, Tara got raped by a creepy vampire dude, so of course she’d be hooking up with ladies now. I wish we could have seen Tara still having issues with being intimate with someone, male or female, post-Eggs and post-Franklin, but I guess that’s too much to ask for. -D

King Bill of Louisiana
First, the reveal of this information was irritating because I had already guessed that Bill was king. And I had forgotten pretty much all of season three before the Previously On and don’t read anything about the show. This was not something that should have been presented as surprisingly. Secondly, I don’t care? I mean, I just can’t think of a way that Bill will be vampire king that won’t annoy me every week. Dark Bill is slightly more intriguing that Normal Bill, but they’re both variations on Bland. Third, the vampire political world-building on this show is generally poorly done and I don’t relish the idea of spending more time with it. Especially after watching Game of Thrones which established a political system in a fantasy world really well, I can’t see how spending any time with the Vampire Hierarchy of Huh? What? is going to increase my enjoyment of the show. -Z

Hot Shot: Still Exists
WHY????? -Z

Each week Dennis and I assemble a list of our favorite (and least favorite) moments of the latest episode of True Blood.

62: Three Finales and Three Realitys

Game of Thrones: “Baelor”, “Fire and Blood”

Robert: All’s well that ends well—except in Westeros, where apparently nothing ever ends well. It’s some kind of twisted fate that Tyrion should be thrown into the front lines of battle and live to see another day while Ned, thinking his life had been mercifully spared, ends up paying the ultimate price. Unfortunately, I discovered that shocking development by complete accident (in trying to remember all the characters’ names early on, I wandered over to Wikipedia and was almost immediately spoiled on Ned’s misfortune) but like the story of an ill-fated Apollo mission or a doomed White Star Line ocean liner, it’s always interesting to see how things play out even when you know the end result. Knowing that Ned stuck to his guns and that Sansa and Arya—now on opposite sides of the same coin, it seems—are going to be all that’s left in King’s Landing is terribly tragic, but not if Robb and Lady Catelyn have anything to say about it. Their abduction of Jamie was a crucial move and stands to be a useful bargaining chip in the future, but things only stand to get worse for everyone now. And that’s not even including what’s happening abroad: Jon Snow marching off into the North to face the otherworldly horrors that have started showing themselves and Daenerys re-introducing dragons to the world of men.

Bringing the first season to a close, I thought these two episodes did a pretty good job of flipping everything on its head and leaving us with a real sense of wanting to know what happens next. The world of Game of Thrones is a place of death, treachery and abandon, no doubt, but we, the audience, naturally insist that things will right themselves eventually. Until they do, the show has no qualms about pulling rugs out from under us. The loss of Sean Bean’s Ned and Jason Momoa’s Drogo is significant (and unfortunate, as I’m sure lots of viewers tuned in just for their presence alone), but the way I see it, now is the time for far more magnetic characters to come to the forefront. Where the series started out with Robert, Ned and Viserys pushing the narrative forward, it’s now Tyrion, Robb and Daenerys who are poised to face off for the Iron Throne. Seeing their lesser beginnings gives us a fundamental understanding of who we’re dealing with going forward, while every remaining ancillary character struggles to find a new place in this suddenly-changed world. In just ten episodes, Game of Thrones has gone further and done more than I’d expected (those incredibly dense, early episodes seem to have paid off) and I can only expect things to roar ahead full steam when the second season begins in early 2012.

Zoe: I literally just received a call from a friend who had just finished watching the show. She, unlike me, was not spoiled for this turn of events and so was able to say “I don’t know, I guess I just thought he’d get out of it somehow.” Exactly. It seems that Game of Thrones exists to be a critique of our expectations of fantasies stories, at least in part. There will be no mighty rescue of Ned by Robb, and Dany finds out that the reality of war can’t be washed away with good deeds. Of course, her harsh lesson ends with dragons, so it’s not all terrible. Meanwhile too much is happening with basically every other character for me to review here, but suffice to say, it looks like shit is going down. Knowing that this is all based off The War of the Roses–a thirty year long war thatstill manages to not be the longest war in English history–we’re probably in for the long haul. I couldn’t be more excited, as I’m really enjoying the show, but fighting the temptation to read the books and skip ahead in the plot is strong. Hopefully the show won’t even give me a reason to.

The Killing: “Orpheus Descending”

Scott: More like RATINGS descending, amirite??? But seriously, folks, I think The Killing dug its grave with this truly abysmal finale. Any whodunit is essentially a series of red herrings before finding out that, yep, this one person is a murderer, and when it comes down to it, that’s pretty boring. Twin Peaks brilliantly subverted that formula by creating a town full of people so interesting that you really didn’t care about the central conceit of the show at all. Despite all the ways AMC tried to draw parallels to that other great, Pacific Northwestern masterpiece about a mysterious young lady who’s found dead in the pilot, The Killing is even worse than a rote CBS detective show, because at least those shows know what they are while The Killing is a pointless mess with an added layer of completely unwarranted pretension, perfectly exemplified by the maddening interviews showrunner Veena Sud gave to every TV website Monday morning. Sud thinks she’s making a towering epic about the nature of evil, when she’s really making a potboiler that we’ve been a bazillion times before, with a lot of characters that we hate, even more that we don’t care about, and one that’s pretty great who is completely ruined in the final moments of the finale. Hopefully in season 2 she realizes that she’s pissed off every viewer who had the patience to stick with this stupid show and sees what she’s really making: a show that’s going to get cancelled when everyone bails the second Rosie Larsen’s killer is revealed.

Ryan and Tatum: The O’Neals: “A Home Coming”

Scott: Ryan O’Neal has been in some good movies, but he’s never been a good actor, and according to everything I’ve ever read about him, he’s a horrible son of a bitch. Every single one of his kids have A) been estranged from him for decades at a time, B) struggled with crippling drug/alcohol addiction, C) been introduced to those drugs/alcoholic beverages by him before being legal adult, and D) been sent to prison, usually with some involvement by him. This new show on Oprah’s OWN channel is set up as an attempt for his most famous child, Tatum, to reconnect with him, but so far it’s just filmed proof of what’s been rumored for so long. This guy is simply an awful person: vain, hateful, violent, petty, and pathologically incapable of loving anyone but Farrah Fawcett. He’s almost a cartoon villain; every person in the show has a story about him chasing them with a baseball bat, or throwing furniture at them, or him kicking them out of a car in the middle of the freeway, or snorting lines with him at the age of twelve. He’s 70 but leers at his young assistant, who’s “my muse, but she also works for me”, and tries to pick up his grandchildren’s 20 year old friends. He’s the most sickening reality show villain since Donald “My People Can’t Believe What They’re Finding” Trump, and it’s heartbreaking to see his daughter begging for his love while he debates “whether I should let her back into my heart.” I might stick it out for a few more episodes, but so far this thing is sad, not funny.

The Glee Project: “Individuality” and “Theatricality”

Dennis: So, I abandoned Glee earlier in the season, but strangely that hasn’t stopped me from watching and enjoying this reality competition to select someone for a recurring role on the sub par Fox series. Sure, this is another “brand extension” to accompany the oodles of merchandise and the concert tours, and yes there are some flourishes of regular Glee here, namely the dependence on already overplayed pop music (there are few things more horrifying than watching the contestants go apeshit over getting to sing “Firework,” like it’s the greatest song of all time). But, there are also things that this Project has that its parent show no longer features, which include the ability to have characters who seem real (not always a guarantee on a reality show, either), and who also seem consistent from episode, and also the ability to have a cohesive plot each week. Oh, and the cast members on this show actually sing live sometimes, at least sparing us the overproduced-and-yet-still-bad-karaoke-sounding stuff we’ve come to get watching Glee or worse yet, (shudder) listening to one of the 80000 soundtracks associated with the show.  I’m curious to see who wins this competition. Since Glee is all about misfits, and many of the archetypes here (the big girl, the diva, the flamboyant and proud gay kid) already exist on the mothership, my money’s on suave little guy Matheus to ultimately reign supreme..

Switched At Birth: “American Gothic” and “Portrait of my Father”

Zoe: Watching something on ABC Family, I was expecting treacly hugs-all-around programming. I wasn’t expecting to be so consistently annoyed at missed writing opportunities. It’s not that the show is bad–it’s fairly middling, all things considered–but that with minor changes, it could be so much better. Take, for example, D.W. Moffett’s character. He’s supposed to be a well-meaning dad, but a lot of the time he just comes off as such a jerk. Which is every character D.W. Moffett has ever played, but on this show we’re supposed to take a few redeeming moments as a sign of him being a good guy. Ditto Mrs. McFly. Meanwhile, Daphne’s mom is supposed to be seen as angry, despite that being both a horrible stereotype and just not true. Is she angry? Sure. But two people are trying to steal her daughter from her. I’d be a little teed off too. I honestly don’t know if I’m going to be able to keep watching this show, because right now it makes me yell for an hour.

Camelot: “The Battle of Bardon Pass”, “Reckoning”

Robert: After Igraine found her way back to Camelot, Morgan’s dirty deeds had already been done, and the fallout between Leontes and Guinevere (albeit a bit too soap opera-ish for my tastes) was felt immediately. He couldn’t reconcile her dalliance with Arthur and she couldn’t find her way back into his heart. When Merlin finds out, he lashes out at Arthur for foolishly risking his credibility as king. And yet, that’s only the beginning of Morgan’s plan. She also sends a company of men to take Bardon Pass, hoping to draw Arthur and his best men (including Kay, Gawain and a reluctant Leontes) out into the open while leaving the people of Camelot fearful and without a leader. After Arthur’s team takes some losses, he orders them back to Camelot and stays behind, both to prove his dedication to them and give them time to escape unseen.
As that all plays out, Merlin and Igraine are left to hold down the fort, but Morgan makes her move on Camelot and believing Arthur’s death is imminent, prepares to finally take the crown for herself. Her ability to work both sides—showing the people that she can be the compassionate, reliable leader they need and playing Arthur, Merlin and Igraine for fools that they may or may not be—serves her coup effort well, but while under attack at Bardon Pass, Arthur’s resourcefulness and sheer determination to stay alive becomes the last tiny glimmer of hope for Camelot’s future. When Bardon Pass is overrun and his men double back to save him, Leontes goes down and Arthur, knowing that Guinevere will be heartbroken, is overcome with guilt. When they return to Camelot, Morgan is quickly dismissed once Arthur provides evidence that she was the one who had been behind everything, but not before she deals a deadly hand to Igraine. Arthur commands a swift and brutal justice be dealt to Morgan, but Cybil steps up and assumes all responsibility, condemning herself to a hard and cold traitor’s death.

In contrast to Game of Thrones, Camelot is easily the more palatable medieval fantasy of 2011 because, if nothing else, its characters aren’t as viciously gung-ho about conspiring and backstabbing. Not to mention, having a lead character like Arthur who stands at the heart of the show as a virtuous model of what every other character aspires to gives viewers something to easily latch on to. Sure, he’s young, idealistic and reckless (and due to Jamie Campbell Bower’s sometimes meek appearance and demeanor, a bit ill-suited as king), but he fights for what’s right and when pushed, can push back like the best of them. Eva Green’s Morgan carries herself with a certain campy, deluded honor, and ultimately she just wants to claim her birthright of the throne even if her methods are wholly unsound. On its own merits, the first season of Camelot has been a noble attempt to re-imagine a time-honored legend while also challenging viewers with new wrinkles here and there. Speaking of which, considering Morgan’s conniving, totally-incestuous move in its final minutes, I’m curious to see where Camelot goes from here, should it be picked up for another season.

Love Bites: “Keep on Truckin” and “Sky High”

Dennis: It’s interesting, this show is all about getting TV mainstays as guest stars (these two episodes featured That 70s Show’s Laura Prepon, Community’s Ken Jeong, Cougar Town’s Spencer Locke, and the Old Spice guy himself Isaiah Mustafa), but I find myself wishing even more as these episodes go on that we’d spend more time with Becki Newton and only Becki Newton, especially as her character develops a flirtation with Jack & Bobby/Mad Men’s Matt Long (another go-to TV guy). Considering Love is likely to um, bite the dust, I’m hoping Newton soon gets the star-making TV role she so totally deserves.

Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution: “We’re Going to Go Guerilla” and “Feed Them Healthy Food with 77 Cents”

Dennis: This season is only six episodes, and yet by episodes 4 and 5 even that’s starting to feel a little long. Don’t get me wrong, I still think this incredibly moving and powerful show got the shaft this season, shipped off to summer to air its remaining episodes mostly unnoticed, but I’m starting to wonder if Jamie had enough material this year. While season one of the series, allowed Jamie into a West Virginia school to really bring positive change to the community, this second season is forced to be about Jamie’s struggle to even get into a school, with school boards terrified of what the erstwhile Naked Chef will find lurking in their cafeteria kitchens. Watching Jamie unable to even get near LA’s school food is certainly disconcerting (what are they trying to hide?), but I find myself increasingly more interested in the episodes’ B-plots, as Jamie tries to help families and business owners, one by one, with their food choices. Here’s hoping if Jamie Oliver gets the chance to retool Revolution, it’s this more personal interaction he focuses on in the future.

61: Summer School Edition

The Killing: “Missing”

Zoe: The Killing is a show I really, really wanted to like. I enjoy the hell out of murder mysteries and lady detectives, and AMC has a pretty good track record. Unfortunately, the show bounces around from “terrible and nonsensical” to “boring” and really hits anything good. The main detective characters are fine–the best part of the show–but everything else is really meh. I never thought I would be so callous about victim’s grief, but man, I hate Mitch Larsen. Hate her so much.

Fortunately, this week The Killing chose (or was contractually forced) to ditch those extra, annoying characters in favor of Holder and Linden actually bonding. About 3 episodes too late, really, but a welcome relief all the same. And while we still know next to nothing about Rosie or what she was doing or how racist the Native American Casino plot will become, we learned some more about our main characters and got to see Linden lighten up, just a little bit. Prior to this episode, my investment was limited to being angry that I had waste my time and wanting to see the show through. Now my investment is partially because I actually like some people on the show and their relationship. Progress!

Men of a Certain Age: “The Great Escape”

Scott: Boy oh boy am I excited for this summer’s half season of the show I’m way to young to love on a network I’m way too young to watch, TNT’s Men of a Certain Age. My love of sweet, sweet MOACA (I pronounce it “mocha”) is no secret to regular Remote Uncontrolled readers. Despite the fact that it’s about fiftysomething men in situations I’m decades away from, the great characters, autumnal cinematography, wry observational humor and so-subtle-it’s-almost-slight writing earn it a place on my very favorite shows. Last week’s half-season premiere was maybe its best episode ever, bringing several series-long arcs to fruition but working as a standalone piece too that highlights just what makes the show special: warm, melancholy and quietly magnificent. Joe (Ray Romano), nice guy that he is, finds himself pulled on by the two people for whom he has the most mixed feelings imaginable: his ex-wife he still loves but who cheated on him, and his former bookie/current friend whose mere presence fans the flames of his gambling addiction. Owen (Andre Braugher) gets a ticket out of the $500 million debt his father saddled him with when he handed over the dealership that’s his birthright. And Terry (Scott Bakula) gives up the last vestiges of his prolonged adolescence for a woman who may not even want him. All of the arcs unfold in quiet, unspectacular ways, but the simple humanity the series spins out of ordinary, decent people reminds me of the first season of Friday Night Lights. MOACA’s already back in its stride, let’s hope audiences show up for it.

Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution “Is It Me or Have We Just Been Pushed Into a Corner?”

Dennis: While I might be slacking on catching up on shows I neglected all season (sorry, Fringe, Treme,Justified, The Middle, and Southland, I’ll get to you eventually, I swear), I’m at least doing well keeping up with shows that the networks hid from sight until the season was over. Poor Food Revolution, a reality show nominated for an Emmy last year, whose really bad ratings caused it to be yanked from the schedule two episodes into its season, for the duration of May sweeps. Whenever anyone asks me how this show is (because I’m increasingly convinced I might be the only person watching, especially in these summer network TV doldrums), I always say that it is manipulative, but for all the right reasons. Three episodes in, Jamie finally broke his fast food-peddling frenemy Deno, who realized that perhaps he could make a difference in the community. I challenge anyone to watch this episode and not tear up as Deno does. It’s a shame these episodes might be the last we see of this show. I guess the Revolution really won’t be televised.

Game of Thrones: “You Win or You Die” and “The Pointy End”

Zoe: Hoo boy! A lot happened on this show in the past few weeks, including Ned finally realizing how fucked he is, the Lannisters and the Starks finally going to war with each other, some zombie action, and Khal Dragoripping some dude’s throat out. Pretty exciting stuff all around, and yet I want to talk about nudity! Im not the only person who complains about this show’s occasionally gratuitous T&A, because it’s so blatant. And yet I see people call those reviewers puritans. Now, look. I’m as ok with ladies boobs being shown as the next gal who doesn’t care about boobs at all. In fact, there are times when being on a broadcast channel would limit perfectly natural boobs showing. But there’s a difference between that and having some ladies finger bang for the hell of it and the latter is damaging not just those scenes, but the shows reputation. With people who don’t really watch, this has now become the show with weird sex acts to hear about and not the show about badass and nobility and snow zombies. That’s a crying shame and I hope that HBO and the writers have enough faith in their audience next season to ditch it. Or at least add some more dong, because Hodor and Theon isn’t really doing a lot for the ladies, you know?

On to more important things, like how fucked Ned is. Because man. It was bad enough when he just wasn’t politically savvy enough to pick up on the massive hints people were dropping on him, but to be betrayed by his wife’s rival and accused of treachery? Harsh. And the one card he had in his sleeve was freed to go help the Hill Tribes take down the Eeryie (land of Motherboy). Whoops! Should have stayed in Winterfell, with your equally foolish wife and teenaged daughter. I guess on the bright side he could always come back as a snow zombie?

Love Bites “Firsts” and “How To…”

Dennis: I kind of feel bad for Love Bites. It was supposed to be one of NBC’s staples last fall and then it was shelved for the entire actual season. When it finally hit airwaves. it was savaged by the critics who bothered to knowledge its existence. I mean, maybe this show isn’t good per se, but based on the two episodes that have aired, I don’t think it’s completely terrible either. Ugly Betty‘s Becki Newton definitely has star potential and I enjoy her scenes here. I wish TBS hadn’t renewed My Boys for one more season, thus pulling from the show its planned lead, the equally as compelling Jordanna Spiro, since now we have to endure Greg Grunberg for a large portion of the episodes. It’s not that I dislike Grunberg, JJ Abrams’ pal and perpetual second banana, it’s just I guess I only like him as said secondary player. The one thing I did like about Grunberg’s character, shifted in between the two episodes. In the first episode, Grunberg’s wife was played by Louie‘s Pamela Adlon, who’s made a career of being sharply sarcastic ever since Grease 2, but unfortunately she’s since been re-cast with Constance Zimmer. Again, nothing against Zimmer, I just wonder what the could’ve been like with Adlon (who ended up on Californication instead). Then again, with this show, unfortunately there’s a lot of wondering what might’ve been. What if this had aired last fall? What if the NBC heads that were supportive of the show were still at NBC? What if Newton’s character weren’t pregnant for the whole season? (Although, I kind of like that real life-dictated addition). Still, as mild summer diversions go, I’ll take this sweet scripted trifle over watching Gordon Ramsay scream at people. or Bachelor Pad candidates getting the clap, any day.

Switched at Birth: “This is Not a Pipe”

Zoe: I know Dennis is a big booster of ABC Family, and I hear good things, like “it’s not as bad as you think!” This, and the fact that as an ASL student, I’m basically required by law to watch anything with the Deaf community, is what brought me to Switched at Birth. Which, honestly, was about what I would expect from something with Family in the channel name–I didn’t feel like I was watching Seventh Heaven, per se, but at least their neighbor. Not that I am against family programming–I defend the Disney Channel, for god’s sakes–but I don’t think this was the most compelling version of it I’ve seen. However, this largely hinges on the fact that the rich parents are such douches that I can’t believe normal humans, estranged daughter or not, would continue to hang out with them. Likewise, the fact that now these two families will be living together is a hard contrivance to swallow. On the plus side, for once teen angst was warranted on a teen show and the show moved along at a good clip. You go from the opening to the reveal in about 3 minutes, which is really all you need when the premise is in the title. All things considered, I can’t judge a pilot as harsh as I would a normal episode, and there’s a chance the rich family will become less douchey to the daughter they raised (and the mother of the daughter they didn’t) over time. Plus, it is fun to see ASL on TV. I’ll keep watching, but the fact that I can’t barely remember these characters names probably says something.

 

60: Should Have Asked for Puppy

Tyrion Lannister, a short blonde man, is holding on to the edge of a circular pit.

Game of Thrones: “A Golden Crown”

Robert: Well, that was a handful. I felt like the show kicked things up a notch last week and although things got a little silly, it didn’t let up one bit in “A Golden Crown”. Daenerys secures her place as queen of the Dothraki and a frustrated Viserys thinks his time to lead the Dothraki army has come. Tyrion appeals to Lysa Arynn’s need for justice, only to mock her court with tales of “making the bald man cry” and so forth. When the king bails on all the drama between the Starks and Lannisters and goes off for a hunt, he leaves Ned (who, despite his wife’s actions, he seems to still trust more than any Lannister) in charge of the throne. And when it seemed like every thread was starting to right itself, it all went upside down. Tyrion does some fast-talking and legal wrangling and finds himself a free man, Ned hears about Gregor’s marauding and proceeds to basically shut down his knighthood and put out an APB on him, and when Viserys threatens his sister to get his promised reward, Khal Drago obliges in a most-horrifying fashion. That last part I didn’t see coming, and because we’re dealing with a fantasy world, I half-expected Viserys to become some kind of golden-masked zombie freak, but it definitely looked like he was a goner, and I can’t complain about that.

Zoe: I thought Catelyn’s kidnapping of Tyrion was the stupidest thing a Stark would ever do, but then there’s Ned, proving me wrong. I can’t imagine hunting Ser Gregor is going to go well for anyone involved (sorry, recently introduced knight!) and even though the king trusts him, you can’t really have your Hand declaring open war. Still, at least Ned has figured out there’s something fishy about all those blonde Lannister children–but that probably won’t go over too well either. I find it interesting that some time was devoted to Sansa and Joffrey’s romance. I don’t believe the latter has any emotions, and while Sansa can be irritating it’s hard to see her naivety preyed upon. And really, is her naive, starry-eyed world view so different from Ned’s? Ned believes so strongly in justice he’s probably going to be arrested for treason because he’s too noble to accept the politics behind ruling a kingdom. I’m not saying I want Daenerys dead, but Robert’s reasoning is pretty good. Hopefully Ned’s foolishness won’t end with his own golden crown.

Camelot: “Igraine”

Robert: The tricky thing about having one character masquerading as another is that there have to be shades of both for it to really work. My favorite example of this is the dual character switch in Face/Off, where John Travolta takes over Nicolas Cage’s role while also acting like Nicolas Cage, and vice versa. He looks like Castor Troy, but Sean Archer is clearly at the wheel, and yet there are moments where the essence of Castor Troy has to be present to keep the masquerade going. For better or worse, Camelot tries to pull that off here, and in some respects, it works. Claire Forlani plays Fake Igraine (Migraine?) with just enough Morgan under the surface, while also playing Real Igraine desperately trying to find a way out of captivity at Pendragon, but things start to lose focus when Fake Igraine befriends a child in Camelot and becomes the touchy-feely, motherly type. Suddenly, it doesn’t quite feel like Morgan is really in there anymore. Almost the entire episode goes by before we finally get to the part that matters—Fake Igraine confides in Leontes and exposes Arthur’s secret affair with Guinevere. When the boy accidentally falls to his death by her doing, Merlin’s oath to personally take out the person responsible—not to mention Real Igraine escaping and returning to Camelot—foretells that we probably won’t be seeing much of Fake Igraine from here on out. Still, the Arthur/Leontes conflict is now in motion and Morgan has managed to sidestep Merlin’s Spidey-senses, so it’ll be interesting to see what happens in the last two episodes of the season, but the worst part of this episode: no Eva Green. Sad-face.

Happy Endings: “The Shershow Redemption”

Dennis: Happy Endings is really starting to fit into the ABC comedy line-up nicely, but I don’t necessarily mean that as a compliment. I gave up on Modern Family, Cougar Town, and the recently canceled Better with You earlier this season because I demand a certain amount of consistency from my comedy that they never provided (though my roller coaster-like relationship with Cougar Town kind of compells me to catch up on it this summer), and I’m finding to be Happy to be equally as unable to find a rhythm. I was sort of ambivalent to this week’s season finale. Few things ellicited a laugh from me, though I sort of hope the show brings back Penny’s over-the-top other gay friend Derrick more next season. More impressions of Kenickie, and Niles from Frasier, please!

House: “Moving On”

Zoe: Another House season, another dramatic and mostly nonsensical ending. The deaths didn’t stick and the shootings didn’t stick and the firings didn’t stick and the relationships didn’t stick, so we get House banned from the hospital forever–or at least until November sweeps. I would talk about how boring and rote this show has become, except that’s been true for seasons. I would talk about how the soap opera is ridiculous, except it’s been the shining light in an otherwise mediocre season. Instead, I would like to talk about High Laurie. I recently rewatched some of A Little Bit of Fry and Laurie and while Stephen Fry may be a public intellectual now, Hugh Laurie has clearly gone on to bigger fame. And yet, except for when they let House play music, his greatest talents are being wasted. The comedy of House no longer comes from biting sarcasm–it comes from viewers laughing at the show. This isn’t the show it started out as, which is fine, but it’s not even a show taking advantage of it’s greatest asset. I’m not sure if I can stick out another season in the World of Constant Psychoanalysis of Your Friends, Coworkers, Patients, Delivery Men, Etc, but I do hope that the House of the Run plot next season allows Laurie to have a bit of fun. It can be a little dreary to be a viewer of this show–I can’t imagine what being the main part of it would do.

59: The Search Is Over?

A picture of Warren Buffett against a beige wall. Buffett is an elderly white man in a dark suit with a red tie.

The Office: “Search Committee”

Scott: Let’s get the discussion of this actual episode out of the way before getting to what we actually care about, which is obviously the casting of Steve Carell’s replacement. So… this episode was pretty much a big fat flop, especially last week’s surprisingly great Dwight-centric storyline. The much-publicized parade of stars was a total bust, and a miscalculation. While I can see the producers and writers thinking a one scene cameo from Jim Carrey was a hilarious bait and switch, I think nearly everyone watching felt shafted. Now, on to my speechifyin’, then a little more discussion on the candidates.

I am surprised that I’ve found myself caring about what happens on The Office so much in the back half of this season. While a lot of people tuned out years ago, I’ve found the show consistently hilarious enough that I’ve always watched. I’ve never thought of it in terms of seasons or years or arcs, it’s just always The Office, existing in a  timeless vacuum that always looks, sounds and feels the same. It is a reassuring constant in an ever-changing world. That consistency is what will make this show continue to earn hundreds of millions of dollars in syndication. And that consistency is what’s being shaken up for the very first time by Carell’s departure. Choose someone awful and my precious normalcy will be forever shattered. The first part of the equation — Michael Scott’s actual departure — was handled better than I ever could have imagined, with minor debits for wasting Will Ferrell. But will they stick the landing and find a good replacement?

First, the internal candidates. If this was a real office, I would give the job to someone who worked their way up. But this is a TV show, and one that needs some new blood. If this was a real audition episode, and we didn’t know Ray Romano has a great show already and Warren Buffett is a quadrillionaire, here would be my rundown: Jim Carrey was a one joke fake-out, Will Arnett didn’t make an impression, Ricky Gervais should’ve ended up on the cutting room floor. We keep hearing that there are only two real candidate: Catherine Tate and James Spader. I know Tate has a lot of fans, so presumably she’s funny, but I went into this episode rooting for her as someone who adores British comedy and funny women and came out thinking her casting would be a trainwreck that would get the show canceled immediately. That leaves Spader, who did the creepy/hilarious thing he does so well. According to Hollywood gossip rags, the producers want Tate because she can do warmth and ineptitude like Carell did, but trust me: a mass American audience is not going to like Tate. If NBC has any sense, they’ve called Spader to offer him the job this morning, and after one last season of The Office they’ll start a new spinoff, The Boston Office, with William Shatner.

Game of Thrones: “The Wolf and the Lion”

Robert: In just four episodes, we’ve already gotten a lot of story spanning a lot of time over several locations, but for this episode to start off in the same place right after last week’s…it feels like a trick or something. After the ill-fated joust match that kills Ned’s only lead, Gregor loses to the appropriately-named Knight of Flowers and does something to a horse that only Don Corleone could be proud of. Then it’s all about everyone in King’s Landing whispering in Ned’s ear about the king and who’s been doing what. I like that the show is suddenly more focused now, but it also feels abridged by comparison, as if we’ve glossed over what’s been happening elsewhere (because, as we all know, time just flies by in this show, or does it?). On the other hand, I found it an interesting choice that instead of seeing the Targaryens and their forever-long trek with the Dothraki, we’re instead shown the other side of the equation as news of Daenerys’ pregancy finally makes its way to King’s Landing. Catelyn reunites with her unstable sister, Tyrion finds himself locked away, Arya overhears plotting against Ned, Varys and Littlefinger square off with their secrets, and when Jamie corners Ned and it seemed like he was going to put up a magnificent fight to save his own hide, one of Jamie’s men pulls a complete bitch move and spears him in the leg. Bah!

Zoe: As I described to my younger brother, shit went down this week. After a few exposition-heavy episodes this week we get: Tyrion killing a man, a new location, a conspiracy to kill Ned (and the king), Catelyn’s crazy sister, a plot to kill Daenery’s, Ned resigning, and shit finally going down between the Starks and the Lannister’s. It’s a lot to fit in an hour, but the show does it wonderfully. The pacing was perfect–exciting when it needed to be, but never afraid to linger on some very weird moments. I have to say, as good as the past few episodes have been, I’m excited to see more action. I don’t need giant battle scenes every week, but I’m also tiring of characters doomsaying with “winter is coming” and nothing happening yet. Given the direction I know the series is going (vaguely), I’m excited to see the action play out. While exposition is necessary on this show (there are still characters names I’m learning), lingering on it too long is a disservice to all viewer types. When the actors are this good–and how great were scenes like The Spider and Littlefinger spy vs. spying each other?–there’s really no need to let us know who Theon is again, even if it does give us our first (of many?) dick shots.

90210: “To the Future!”

Dennis: For the second year a row, here I am writing about how much I disliked the 90210 finale. Will I ever learn? Will I ever stop watching this show? Probably not, on both counts. Liam and Annie got a sudden case of “oh hey, it’s season finale”-itis, broke up for no apparent reason, and he went to work on a Deadliest Catch-esque fishing boat. Meanwhile, Noami got cliffhanger-itis and found out she was knocked up. And Teddy and Marco? Reduced to glorified extras this whole hour. I guess it could be worse. Ryan and Debbie weren’t even in the episode, and word has it they won’t even be on the show next year. I guess that began a little early? Don’t even get me started on Adrianna’s storyline. As she sat rambling to a ghost on a cliffside about how she wasn’t going to kill herself, despite having manipulated Naveen and Silver (suddenly, the two stupidest characters on the show, even though they’re supposed to be two of the smartest), never have I more wanted a strong gust of wind to finish someone off. Here’s hoping the umpteenth showrunners commissioned to re-re-re-boot this spin-off next season can fix this mess.

Camelot: “The Long Night”

Robert: A couple of weeks ago, I suggested that Camelot was about to take a new leap forward as Morgan found new backing in her effort to reclaim the throne, and even though “The Long Night” did some of that, it took a big step backwards first. Because some things have to be learned the hard way, Arthur accepts another invitation to wine and dine at Castle Pendragon, this time with Merlin, Guinevere, Leones, Igraine—basically the whole Camelot crew—in tow. It really makes no sense why a king with threats looming abroad would leave his castle with all his best advisors and warriors at his side, and honestly, it felt like the writers decided that, even though Merlin just went through an ordeal during their last visit to Morgan’s crib, they needed a “do over” in order to move the story forward. Granted, Arthur seemed none the wiser to Merlin’s predicament last time (I like you, Merlin, but stop being so somber and cryptic. Speak up, man! Your king is clearly blind without you!), and after spending a night under siege at Pendragon by unseen invaders, he once again comes away oblivious to Morgan’s involvement or her switcheroo with Igraine. Now that we’ve circled around to take care of that little bit of business, the Morgan’s real treachery and usurping can begin. Really sexy treachery and usurping, that is.

Raising Hope: “Don’t Vote for This Episode”

Dennis: This flashback-filled season finale really reminded me how much I’ve come to enjoy this show over its first season. Besides seeing Goth Jimmy and a slightly more lucid Maw Maw, it was great to see the recurring the characters when Jimmy was 18, from Hope’s future homicidal baby mama, to a not-yet-gap-toothed Shelley, to an overweight Barney. I think that being fond of all the characters, not just the regulars is a true testament to a good show. And I’m happy this good show will be back for a second year!

Breaking In: “21.0 Jump Street”

Dennis: Well, I finally checked in on this show… just in time to see it reach its (probable series) finale. There was talk of Fox possibly uncancelling this comedy if it did well in the ratings without its Idol ratings crutch, and I had hope it would do that, paired with Raising Hope, but alas not. I feel bad for Bret Harrison and Christian Slater both at this point. They’re both unlucky with shows, especially likable in thes roles and surely they’ll find a hit series some day (or some season) soon. Right? Right?

Bones: “The Change in the Game”

Zoe: Bones hasn’t been good for at least two seasons, if not more. It’s gone from a show I love to watch, to a show that’s great to have on while I am doing other things. As someone who was a big fan it’s always disappointing to see something you love go downhill so fast, but given the nature of procedural TV it was expected. This season, though, will be my last. It was dreadful in every way that procedurals can be, with the added bonus of completely losing touch with Bones‘ one benefit–it’s strong (and relatively consistent) characterization. All that was thrown away in favor of treating Bones like an idiot infant. While she’s also been strange about social norms, there was at least a sense she understood them (generally) and choose to reject them. I mean, the lady is a best selling author and presumably part of that is because she can write people decently.

On top of all that, the finale gave us not only the birth of Hodgins and Angela’s son who, despite much hand-wring, wasn’t blind, but also the revelation that Bones is pregnant. With Booth’s baby. Because that how TV works–if you hook up once, you’re guaranteed a pregnancy! It is, after all, all ladies are good for. I have to hand it to Bones, though. Not only did they manage to take all the fun out of a “will they/won’t they” situation by having the characters actually create a schedule for when they would become emotionally invested in each other, they skipped right from the sexy fun to the tedious baby having part. At least Hodgins and Angela had seasons of chemistry and relationship development. Bones just gets a baby because Rickety Cricket knocked her up, Thumbs way down.

The Good Wife: “Closing Arguments”

Dennis: Even if the stupid CBS promos gave away the whole end to this season (Will and Alicia’s overdue elevator make-out session, with Mika’s “Any Other World” playing in the background), I still enjoyed this fast-paced finale. Good Wife has probably been my most consistent and enjoyable shows of the season and I’m going to be bummed to not have it around for a few months. I’m going to be even more bummed when it comes back in the fall on Sundays and football time shifts it all around the night. I mean, I love football, but I love my Margulies more. You don’t hear that every day, that’s for sure.

Castle: “Knockout”

Robert: Earlier in the season, as my annoyances with Castle grew into outright frustration, I remember thinking that this show had to start taking some chances and not settle into the mediocre (albeit safe) territory it had found itself. When the show premiered in 2009, it felt fun and fresh and gave us an outlet to admire our favorite browncoat again, but two seasons later, all that novelty had worn off for me. I’d stopped watching halfway through this season and it was only blind luck that I happened to catch this week’s season finale, but I’m glad I did. In “Knockout”, Castle is all but cast aside as Beckett discovers some startling new facts about her mother’s murder—which, frankly, I thought was already given enough airtime in last season’s weighty “Sucker Punch”—and how Capt. Montgomery is linked to it all. There’s something to do with assassins and betrayals and so forth, but as is the case with Castle, it’s only the (usually upbeat) emotional ride that matters. Montgomery says his last goodbyes to his unknowing family, Ryan and Esposito tear at each other over their doubts, Beckett grapples violently with Montgomery’s sacrifice to save her, and in the end, Castle finds himself in a situation far more dire than any of us could have expected. It’s a stinging cliffhanger for anyone who put money on a breezy Castle/Beckett get-together to end the season, but for what it’s worth, I like that the show went to a really dark place for once. With the direction the show is now pointed in, I’m not sure if it was quite what the doctor ordered, but it’s enough to get me back on board, and I can only hope that next season capitalizes on this big shake-up.

Happy Endings “Bo Fight” and “Barefoot Pedaler”

Dennis: Why does ABC feel the need to air its comedy series’ episodes out of order? They’ve done it with Samantha Who?, Scrubs, and Better Off Ted in the past, and now they’re doing it here. Dave and Max have been living together for weeks, and then all of a sudden now the network gets around to airing the episode in which Dave moves in? And then gets around to airing one of the “Dave and Alex start to get along better even though she left him at the altar” episodes that would’ve made much more sense weeks ago too? ABC seems to have faith in this show. After all, it renewed it and gave it a plum post-Modern Family slot for fall, but here’s hoping they show it by airing episodes in order next year. What a novel idea!

58: No More Teachers, No More Paintball

Troy, Abed, Jeff, and Annie are all standing by a tree. Jeff is wearing a cowboy at and western-style clothes and the other three are covered in red paint.

Community: “For a Few Paintballs More”

Rawles: While I wouldn’t say that anything could compare to the original paintball episode, I do think this finale surpassed most of the rest of this season. Troy battling Jeff for leadership, Shirley and Britta saving the day, and Abed taking a turn as Han Solo all held their own special delights. It’s been an uneven year for Community with a few nagging storylines that I constantly wished would go away — not to mention obviously a little confused about how to best utilize all of its characters — but at the very least the Pierce storyline was actually leading somewhere. The only remaining issue with it is the fact that I assume I’m supposed to be sad about him leaving the study group. Er…

Dennis: Surprise! Another Roundtable where undoubtedly 8900 people will probably write about Community! Don’t get me wrong, I like this show, but even I’m kind of sick of hearing about it. I’m kind of happy it’s over because we’ll finally go a few weeks without dissecting this show. But, I sure do wish the season had ended on a better note. I really dug last week’s paintball sequel, but maybe making it an hour long (over the course of two weeks, no less) was a bad choice. The momentum that last week built up, sort of puttered out. City College was behind the nefarious conspiracy? Lame. Abed and Annie kissed? Well, the show did declare early on that everyone could potentially make out with everyone, and I think it’s almost averaging more hook-ups than the Gossip Girl cast at this point. And who didn’t see it coming that Pierce would be the one to ultimately save the day? And who didn’t foresee that he wouldn’t walk back in the study room at episode’s end? That’s all I’ll say about that, since we’ve undoubtedly wasted enough ink (or whatever the blogging equivalent of being wasteful is) on the name “Pierce” this season. I wasn’t even that pleased with the random (but not entirely surprising), silent Cougar Towncast members’ cameo (seriously, did ABC tell them they could appear on NBC as long as they didn’t speak!?). I’m glad it’ll be back, but I’m looking forward to a Community-free summer.

Zoe: You know, as much as I love Community, it’s hard to say a lot about it. It’s either really, really fun to watch that week or just “pretty good”. I would label this week as “pretty good”–not because it didn’t hold up to the standards of last year’s paintball episode, but I just wasn’t very invested in it as a plot. There was fun with Abed playing Han and everyone groaning over Jeff’s douchery–and I was pretty amused by Shirley’s lack of investment in the proceedings, but overall it didn’t quite feel like a finale. On the other hand, it seems like Pierce is gone for a bit and in a way I liked. We’ll see how long this sticks, but at least I got one wish from this season!

The Good Wife: “Getting Off”

Dennis: Hooray! As I requested last week, more Alicia and Jackie face-offs. Yet again, Jackie tried to manipulate Alicia’s kids, and our Good attorney wasn’t having any of it. Although, from her comments, something tells me Jackie might have some dirt on the Florrick kids that could look badly on Alicia’s parenting? As long as it brings more strong lady battles! Also, just one week after Martha Plimpton took time out of her Raising Hope schedule to reprise her recurring role, Mamie Gummer came back on the map (get it!? Because she’s on Off the Map) to reprise her recurring role as rival lawyer Nancy Crozier, as well. As is often the case with The Good Wife, the show’s main case was far too simplistic (non-monogamous marriages clearly always end in murder) and took a back seat (though Sarah Silverman was surprisingly compelling in a dramatic role. Who knew?) to the dramas of Alicia, Jackie, and Kalinda. If CBS’ spoiler-tastic promos are to be believed, Will and Alicia FINALLY suck face next week, to which I say: Bring. It. On.

The Office: “Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager”

Scott: Like you and the rest of civilization, I was ready to write off The Office entirely after last week. In fact, I hated the first half of this episode even more. As expected, there’s a gigantic Carell-sized hole in the Carell-less Office. Hell, removing the star of anything makes it a conceptual art project about the importance of that star, which we’ll probably see again this fall when Ashton Kutcher becomes the long-lost and/or recently released from prison uncle or whatever on Two and a Half Men. But after a bumpy first half, ”Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager” tapped into a vein of deep sadness that The Office hasn’t mined since the show decided Michael Scott was a lovable ne’er-do-well instead of an incompetent moron. Dwight K. Schrute’s short and violent reign as head of Scranton’s Dunder Mifflin branch was the closest The Office US has ever gotten to David Brent begging for his job at the end of The Office UK, which is arguably the greatest moment in arguably the greatest TV comedy of the past decade. I wouldn’t quite elevate Dwight to the comic pantheon of desperate, needy, compelling jerks like Brent, Hank Kingsley and Kenny Powers just yet, but Rainn Wilson (who’s never been my favorite comic actor) convincingly took Dwight from his most egocentric to most defeated in a matter of minutes, and made Dwight sympathetic for once. Now to see who’s the permanent boss. I’m pulling for James Spader or Warren Buffett.

Nikita: “Pandora”

Rawles: The second part of Nikita‘s two-part season finale once again employed just enough twists and turns and reversals to evoke Classic Nikita. While Nikita’s apparent “death” held little suspense as it was obvious Alex was attempting to orchestrate some way to get them both out of their precarious position, the rest of the episode moved into more interesting territory. With Amanda’s defection to Oversight (or, rather, the fact that perhaps she was never much on his side in the first place) Percy seems to be running low on remotely loyal operatives. Michael has gone entirely AWOL with Nikita and Birkoff is sympathetic to the Bring Down Division cause. If the show does get picked up for a second season, it feels like they’ll need a new castmember or two just to balance things out or else it will become a bit unbelievable that with all of this highly competent opposition, Percy is still standing. It’s good, however, that the writers clearly determined the simplistic “find and destroy the black boxes” goal couldn’t sustain itself indefinitely. There are only six and eventually it becomes repetitive. This new idea of using the knowledge within to attempt to right some of the wrongs that Division has done opens up a lot of new possibilities and gives a lot more breathing room. The addition of Oversight to the fold — with the excellent casting of Alberta Watson, La Femme Nikita‘s Madeline, the analogue to Amanda, as one of them — also does a good deal for tension. Especially since Alex is in the throes of striking up a deal with them to reclaim her father’s criminal empire from the people who orchestrated her family’s death. As ever, one of the strongest points of the entire show was the relationship between Alex and Nikita. Alex feels betrayed and thankfully — considering how well Alex knows the paucity of choice involved in being a Division agent — it’s not necessarily the knowledge that Nikita, herself, killed her father, but the fact that Nikita never told Alex. She’s telling herself that she’s let Nikita go, that she doesn’t care anymore, and while it’s obviously untrue, it will be fascinating to see how Alex interacts with Amanda now that Amanda has also saved her life and she’s down one mentor. Here’s hoping for a second season so that we can find out this and many other things.

Parks & Recreation: “The Fight” and “Road Trip”

Dennis: With 30 Rock done for the season and no one exactly clamoring to watch Perfect Paul Resier Outsourced Couples or whatever occupies the 3rd hour of the NBC comedy block these days, I’m glad NBC saw fit to double up on Parks & Rec. The first episode saw laugh out loud moments with everyone (save for Chris and Donna) drunk, and the second episode finally gave us that long overdue kiss between Ben and Leslie. And hey, there was even a reference to Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom! Community might have all the cool film references but at least Parks & Recreation has books cornered!

South Park: “Royal Pudding”

Scott: Trey Parker and Matt Stone are tired. Their first stage musical, The Book of Mormon, has opened to rave reviews and sells out every night. But putting on a Broadway show is a lot of work. Like, watching it five times a day for six months, meticulously picking apart every second of music, acting, choreography, sets, lighting, and so on. So once the thing’s on the stage you’d think they’d get a nice vacation to unwind, right? Noooooooooo, they’ve got a half season of South Park on deck, and they have to write, animate, and record the voices for every episode from start to finish in exactly a week’s time. Only Saturday Night Live has a crazier schedule, and 90% of the time it’s terrible. You’d think these episodes would be terrible too, but they’ve been pretty hilarious so far in that silly, brain-addled way you get when you’re totally exhausted. This week’s “Royal Pudding” might be one of my favorite episodes ever. I’ve always been a fan of Parker and Stone’s Canadian diversions; the sheer absurdism and even cruder than usual animation make them feel like a South Park spinoff on Adult Swim. The show treats Canadians much the way they treat Mormons: awestruck by their sweet ol’ fashionedness, perplexed by their odd traditions. Of course, the royal wedding provides even strange ceremonial fodder, and the consummation of the marriage by sodomy with a severed limb ranks in “Scott Tenorman Must Die” territory for just how gleefully sadistic South Park can get. Some have suggested that Parker and Stone are trying to get Viacom to fire them so they can devote their full attention to other projects, but hopefully they’ll stick around if South Park is going to stay this bizarre.

Lady Gaga Presents: The Monster Ball Tour at Madison Square Garden

Dennis: Admittedly, even I’ve started to grow tired of Gaga in recent months. She’s been furiously releasing songs from her new album, perhaps because none of them have really “clicked” the way previous singles have. And, I almost didn’ watch this special, having seen HBO promos with Gaga crying about being a “loser,” fearing it’d be way too much “behind the scenes” and not enough of the actual tour, which I had previously heard was pretty amazing. Luckily, I tuned in, since it was almost entirely Gaga at her actual best: live and singing. What many of the Gaga-haters don’t understand is that beyond the theatrics and funny costumes, she actually has a decent voice, and this was finally that showcase. Hell, I even liked the two renditions of “Born This Way” (as encore song, and then as an a capella backstage warm-up song while the credits played). I wish we would’ve seen underatted opening act The Scissor Sisters do a song or two (especially from their under-listened to newest album Night Work), but I guess Gaga figured that would’ve distracted from her own spectacle. And what a spectacular spectacle it was.

Game of Thrones: “Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things”

Zoe: I read somewhere this week–I think at the AV Club–that Eddard Stark is the wrong guy in the wrong story. He should be in LoTR, fighting Orcs and instead he’s dealing with the time-traveling former mayor of Baltimore who’s definitely taking him for a ride, I’m just not sure how. In fact, all the Starks are people who seem distinctly uncomfortable in places that aren’t their Northern strong hold. Robb can’t quite meet the standards of a Lord and Cate is ready to start a disastrous political situation with the Lannisters on shaky evidence at best. Even Jon Snow, who’s only gone farther North seems out of place and politically naive.

Nonetheless this week was mostly for, frankly, much needed exposition and it’s to the show’s great credit that it was well handed exposition. But as someone who has never read the books there are characters I was completely clueless about until the chance was taken to explain them. And on top of that we had Daenerys becoming even more awesome than she had been. Besides Tyrion, she’s the character I care most about…though I have to admit Jamie is growing on me and I’m hoping we’ll get to learn more of his backstory soon.

57: Summer is Coming

Annie in paintball gear.

Community: “A Fistful of Paintballs”

Paul: So I knew a paintball episode was coming, but I didn’t know it was going to have Lost‘s Josh Holloway as a badass paintball bounty hunter, and I didn’t know it was going to have Guy Ritchie title cards for the whole study group, and I didn’t know next week’s episode is going to be an hour long continuation. But what I did know was that it was going to be great. And boy howdy, was it ever great. Seriously, just go watch it if you haven’t already. The other thing I knew was that Pierce was going to be the worst—worse than the Lannisters, even—and on that count, I was dead accurate. Since there’s been no news about Chase leaving the show (has there?), I assume he’s going to redeem himself somehow in next week’s episode, which is the only part I’m dreading. He’s irredeemable, and he needs to go.

Zoe: A few weeks ago, during some particular Pierce awfulness, I would have argued that the show needs to redeem him–really redeem him–to make this character make sense anymore. But after last night’s episode, I’m not sure that redemption is possible, if it ever was. Frankly, the character was never posed as someone who made “sense” and while Pierce has had his moment, I think he’ll work much better as a villain. Or dead. I’m sorry, Pierce pushes my buttons–friendship isn’t supposed to be a demand, goddammit! Other than that, it feels impossible to comment on what is a mere prelude to next week. The episode this week was a lot of fun, especially with Annie being, well, awesome, but I’m really looking forward to the exciting conclusion.

Game of Thrones: “Lord Snow”

Paul: The third episode of GoT contained mostly setup, but it was good setup: Daenerys pissed her brother off, which is fine with me because I love Daenerys and her brother is an asshole. The Dothraki are also pretty great; that whole subplot is a massively guilty pleasure for me, really. Meanwhile, the Starks mostly suffered and worried a lot, which is probably reasonable because terrible things are going to keep happening to them. This show might as well be called “terrible things happen to the Stark family.” Ayra whined her way into swordplay lessons with Inigo Montoya, which, y’know, that’s pretty cool. I hope we see more of him. Tyrion Lannister continued to be hilarious, and his siblings continued to be the worst. Good times.

Zoe: I suppose the most important thing we learn this episode is that the Mayor of Baltimore is a sleazy huckster no matter what city he’s running–but he’s a lot more fun in this world. The other thing we learn is “winter is coming”. Great. This winter better be an ass-kicker, the way everyone keeps talking about it the way you would an impending Holocaust. I’m not so sure the Starks will need winter to ruin them, though, as the Lannister’s seem content to do that with or without the appropriate weather. And while I feel bad for the House of Stark (clearly positioned as the Good Guys right now) and while the Lannisters are clearly dicks, there’s really no one who’s free from the occasional jerkdom. No one except maybe poor, put upon Daenerys who’s increasingly becoming a bad ass. That and the Tyrion/John Snow friendship is what keeps me going.

Robert: I’ll admit I wasn’t really that excited about this show, if only because, like so many of HBO’s best series, I knew it’d be a big commitment. I figured if the buzz lasted past the first episode or two, I’d check it out, and I’m glad I did. It’s a extravagant production to say the least, and the complicated world that’s being built layer by layer is definitely what I like to see in works of fantasy. I know my cohorts here have some issues with the sort of visceral torment and/or gratuitous sexuality on display, but I have more of a problem with the occasional “fuck” getting thrown into the otherwise well-crafted dialogue. I say if a series trades in barbarism, then by all means it should be embraced (Starz’ Spartacus does this with appropriately-gleeful abandon) but again, that’s a matter of personal taste, I suppose. After watching the first three episodes back-to-back, my only real complaint with the show so far—it’s nitpicky at best, but I could see it being potential problem as the show goes on—is the way it indicates the passage of time. In just two episodes, Daenerys is suddenly two months pregnant while the journey from Winterfell to King’s Landing seems to be only days apart. I like to think all of these threads are progressing parallel to each other, and while I get that one can get away with only so many time-compressing montages of people traveling, the pacing feels entirely arbitrary to me. I am glad, however, that moments like the final scene in “Lord Snow” in which Arya is given a fencing lesson by Syrio Forel stay in, because it’s a perfect example of how Game of Thrones shouldn’t spare us the small moments. When the show comes back around to Arya (which it undoubtedly will) scenes like this will be all the more powerful.

Justified: “Bloody Harlan”

Scott: It may sound a little odd to describe a season finale that largely revolves around a druggy hillbilly gang war as “intimate”, but that’s exactly how Justified‘s pretty damned great second season went out this week. From season 1 to season 2, the show has mostly swapped out gunfights and action movie heroics with deeper, darker, sadder content that delves into broken families and decades-old emotional wounds. That’s not usually the kind of stuff that hooks viewers, especially compared to season 1′s strong one-and-done procedurals, but season 2′s audience has broadened considerably. I think that’s because everyone’s stuck around a lot longer this year. Mags Bennett, for example, would’ve worked great in a single episode arc, but over an entire season she’s become one of the best and most complex TV villains in the medium’s history: murderous but sympathetic, ruthless but loyal, maternal but menacing. In retrospect, Mags is the centerpiece of season 2, and seeing her go from backwoods kingpin, to flirting with cashing out for a semblance of legitimacy, and finally descending back into violence out of familial obligations and stubborn inability to let someone get the best of her, essentially makes her the Appalachian Michael Corleone. While some episodes of Justified have hit me harder (I think “The Spoil” still stands as the series’ single best episode ever), in sheer commercial terms “Bloody Harlan” is as effective as a season finale gets; almost every thread from season 2 has been tied up beautifully and every fan is dying to see what happens next in season 3.

The Good Wife: “In Sickness”

Dennis: I’m pleased to see that Raising Hope isn’t stopping Martha Plimpton from still popping up in her recurring role on this show. Plimpton was back this week as the always amusing Patti Nyholm and it was great to see her (albeit temporarily) on the same side as Will and Alicia (and against Ken Cosgrove himself, Mad Men‘s Aaron Stanton, moonlighting here also). But the main drama this week was the boiling over conflict between Alicia and Peter. Surprisingly, it wasn’t Alicia and Peter’s conflict that was the most compelling (with Cary scrambling for a job and Alicia dismissing Peter repeatedly, I figured Alicia’s two would-be enemies might find common ground), but the faceoff between Alicia and Peter’s always delightful mom from hell, Jackie. I could watch Julianna Marguiles and Mary Beth Peil just battle it for an hour every week if the writers let me.

The Vampire Diaries: “The Sun Also Rises”

Rawles: This episode ends with a hero shot of Damon walking away. I am not sure how exactly that connects to the rest of the episode given that Damon doesn’t actually do anything especially heroic. Before the shot in question, he was requesting that Stefan not inform Elena that he had been bitten by a werewolf in order to spare her grief. Despite not making much logical sense, it’s an odd request since he’s spent the last few episodes campaigning for Bonnie, Elena’s best friend, to die, something which Elena has repeatedly gone to great lengths both to prevent and to make clear how much it would destroy her were it to happen. I can only assume from the way the scene was shot, however, was that Damon’s vague intention to “spare” Elena pain when it comes to his own death is meant to be perceived as heroic and tragic. My prevailing thought was, “…So, am I supposed to care?” But I’m pretty sure I stopped being the audience for Damon a long time ago.

There were other things I found to care about in this episode, however. In grand end-of-the-season TVD fashion, there was a high death toll. John Gilbert, who won’t be missed, and poor, poor Jenna, who will. The show managed to back away — as I thought they might — from Elena becoming a vampire, though that happens fairly early on in the books on which the show is nominally based. It was a bit dissonant, in fact, from that perspective, that the quest to stop Elena from becoming a vampire was given the same, if not more, emotional weight in the episode as things like saving Jenna’s life. It’s not as if half of the main characters on the show aren’t already vampires and living relatively normal lives. The show’s use of be-spelled rings to allow vampires to walk in the daylight even gets rid of the major hinderance. Sure there’s the blood drinking, but the shows many vamps have sidestepped having to murder anyone for that purpose — or even assault them — in numerous and sundry ways. But I suppose that’s always a danger with a drama about vampires. Eventually, vampires become normalized so becoming one doesn’t really seem like that big of a deal, all said. Leaving the question of Elijah and Klaus open wasn’t something I expected. I imagined that whole business would finally be wrapped up by the end of the season which, granted, it still could be, but since we now have to contend with whatever horrible, abusive, murderous grossness Damon decides to get up to in celebration of being near death in the finale, I doubt we’ll have time for more Elijah and Klaus adventures.

Happy Endings: “Dave of the Dead”

Dennis: While technically two episodes aired this week, it was the second of this week’s Happy Endings that made me happiest. Zombie and hipster jokes? What more could I ask for? Casey Wilson was never my favorite Saturday Night Live cast member, so it’s a great surprise as to how much I’m enjoying her here. I liked her character’s relationship with Max the best on the show, and was quite amused by the hipster makeover she gave him. I understand that making fun of hipsters is kind of an easy target, but I haven’t often seen it done as well as it was here.

Camelot: “Guinevere”, “Lady of the Lake”, “Justice”

Robert: In the last few weeks, Camelot shifted its attention away from Morgan’s attempts to take over the throne, but in the meantime, we got to see Arthur and Merlin rebuilding Camelot and cultivating their new rule over the land. First up, Arthur lets go of his feelings—but not his lustful dreams—for Guinevere after she is married to Leontes (who manages to bring retired knight Gawain into the fold), Merlin seeks out a proper sword for Arthur and in the process causes/creates the legend of the lady in the lake and Excalibur, and we see the beginnings of the Round Table when Arthur imposes his own justice on a neighboring village to settle a public dispute. There’s a point where things get very procedural in “Justice” but when you consider it’s supposed to be the first instance of actual judicious case-solving ever, the amount of time spent on it seems warranted. The resulting verdict, albeit obvious, sets a new tone for Camelot and how Arthur wants to lead it.

But that’s not to say Morgan has been entirely absent. After inviting Arthur and Merlin to her castle for a supposed peace-making visit, she lures Merlin with drink and holds him against his will, where we get a hint of how haunted he is by his own abilities. Arthur returns home the next day believing Merlin’s simply flaked out again and left on his own. Later, through a bit of sorcery, Morgan creates a psychic connection with Arthur and discovers his weak spot: his affection for Guinevere. Yet, as Merlin warned, it comes at a cost. After a fevered struggle with darker forces, she succumbs to their power, but not before Sybil, a nun from her past, arrives to witness it. After Morgan is reborn momentarily appearing as Igraine, Sybil, who at first appeared to be a nagging thorn in her side, reveals that she’s actually willing to bolster Morgan’s cause. She advises Morgan that, in order to rule, people must be able to relate to her, and she uses her powers of manipulation to cause a rousing, opportune moment in which Morgan appeals to her subjects and swings them to her side. Thanks to this shift in power, the show has the opportunity to spin in a new direction, and Arthur, while just and principled, has his work cut out for him now that a re-energized Morgan has a new tactic (and a new disguise) to retaking the throne.