Bloody Good
Eric Comes to Mississippi!
Rejoice shady citizens of Mississippi, The Great Blonde hope is in the house! Talbot sure seems excited by the new face, and Lorena seems a little scared at the return of the guy that kicked her out of Bon Temps. And rightfully so all around. Maybe with Eric’s awesomeness we can finally get this Mississippi storyline into high gear? -D

Sookie!
Well Dark Disguise Sookie only stuck around for a sliver of the episode (she had a good line about Alicide’s shitty ex Debbie), but even back as the boxom blonde we know and tolerate, Sookie has a nice little moment at episode’s end using her powers. Considering the Stackhouse telepath is supposed to be the main character of the show, it’s probably about time we explore her gifts a little bit more… -D

Tommy and Merlotte’s
Sam’s familial storyline is still pretty irksome, but at least we the viewers (and Bon Temps) got Tommy out of it. I’m pleased the show is giving more characters jobs at the local watering hole, if only to see them interact in more ways with one another. Tommy and Lafayette can be cigar buddies! Jessica and Arlene can face off! And who knew Jessica and Tommy would have such good chemistry? I’m still rooting for Hoyt and Jessica to pull through, but glad to know the girl’s got options. -D

Jesus
Sweet Jesus, look who’s back! Being pretty spoiler-friendly, I knew Lafayette’s mom’s nurse would be back (also, his portrayer Kevin Alejandro is in the credits, so that’s usually a hint too) and I’m happy it happened. After having to put up with his mother’s crap, his aunt’s crap, and his cousin Tara’s crap, the dude needs a nice man to date. I’m sure Jesus will have his own drama surrounding him in the episodes to come, but at least Lafayette might get some lovin first. -D

“Make you my vampire bride”
Line of the show, right there. And while I have issues with the Franklin/Tara plot (see below), I can’t help but find the moments the want me to find amusing, amusing. Moreover, I can’t help but feel like Franklin, with his dress and accent and manners, is some sort of extended shoegazer/Brit Pop parody. Because, really, isn’t this how Oasis would be if they were a vampire? -Z

Adorable Gays
Man, between Jesus basically being the cutest thing ever and Eric’s good-natured flirting with Talbot, this was a pretty adorably gay episode. Which is just fine with me, thanks. In fact, can we just have a lot more of it? I can definitely think of some plots I’d sacrifice in favor of more Jesus screen time… -Z

Tara
So often we end up complaining about this character, so I thought I would give Tara her due this week. Not only was she (unlike some people…) capable of engineering a way out of, or to deal with, a bad situation, but she managed to have just truly great reactions to Franklin’s increasing madness. -Z

Bites
Viking Flasbacks
If one of this season’s central mysteries involves old tyme Eric moments, can we just abort that storyline right now? Aw, bummer, Eric’s family got killed by mean werewolves. Couldn’t he just tell us that and save us the five minutes of extra cheese? -D

Were’s the Hair?
Also, I’m pleased to see many a blogger has also noticed this since permanently shirtless Alicide showed up. but it bares (weres?) repeating : If the dude is a werewolf, why does he feel the need to shave his chest, but leave his facial hair in tact? I blame Twilight for this hairless werewolf trend! -D

Bill and Sookie: Reunited
I guess this is good? I mean, Bill was vaguely able to snap out of whatever downs in the dumpness had gotten hold of him and actually do something…but only for one of the most sexist reasons ever. But Bill and Sookie are back together! Yay? Does anyone in the audience honestly care at this point? I imagine most of us are just waiting for Sookie and Eric to be reunited at Russell’s Bon Temps Refugee Pajama Party. -Z

Crystal
Oh, goodie. another vaguely mysterious chick. Here’s a tip, Jason: if a girl tells you that what is essentially your first conversation is the greatest moment of her life? You run away. Far, far away. But given this show and Jason’s track record he won’t, and she’ll probably turn out to be a ghost or something. -Z

[Just that she looks like she's practically a teen and it's kind of creepy watching thirtysomething Jason romance. I'm sure she's over 18 IRL, but it would help if she looked it. -D]

Sam’s Intellect
Dear Sam,

HOW DENSE ARE YOU? HE’S AN ABUSIVE FATHER. CLUE UP ALREADY!

Love,
The Audience -Z

Franklin and Tara
On the one hand, I am definitely as amused by this plot as I am supposed to be. On the other hand, I am pretty uncomfortable with them using Tara’s rape and kidnapping as a source of chuckles. I’m not saying the show can’t do black humor, but let’s not make Franklin, with his speedy texting and what not, too anti-hero, ok? He’s still and rapist and kidnapper. -Z

[I enjoyed Franklin's speed texting, but still find this storyline in poor taste. I know Franklin's Tara's boyfriend in the books, so I'm curious how long they keep him around here. You can't really build a lasting relationship on kidnapping, unless it's all Stockholm syndrome. -D]

Each week Dennis and I assemble a list of our favorite (and least favorite) moments for the latest episode of True Blood.

BLOODY GOOD
Eric and Lafayette
E&L have totally replaced Andy and Jason as my favorite pals on this show. I like that Eric rushes to save Lafayette just as quickly as his other blood buddies Pam and Sookie. I could have an hour long episode of these two guys driving around in their ride, dealing V. It could be like Vampire Breaking Bad. -D

[Yes! Although I sort of wish the show would deal with Lafayette's torture-induced PTSD related to Eric more. I guess they, like most of us viewers, have forgotten about it -Z]

Sam’s Parents’ Bon Mots
Much as I’m irritated that Sam’s parents are such a large portion of every episode, I do like the fun sayings that come out of their mouth. Sam’s mom said Tommy’s cheese keeps sliding off his cracker. Not entirely sure what that means, but I like it! I might start using it in daily conversation! -D

Dark Sookie
Can we keep Sookie in disguise for the rest of the season? She looks kind of like Natalie Portamn in Closer, if Natalie Portman were less stripper and more telepath. -D

Kenya
Granted, she doesn’t get as much screen time as she deserves (especially considering she’s one of the few people of color on the show), but Kenya won this week with her all-too-accurate line about Andy’s promotion. Keep up your quiet badassery, Kenya. -Z

Eric Flying
They showed it last season and it was awesome and just the tiniest bit mind-blowing and so it’s awesome to see them bring it out again. -Z

BITES
Violence Towards Women
Seriously, does every woman have to be in danger this week? The first episode back from Bill and Lorena’s head twisting sexual encounter and he punches her into a mirror. Meanwhile, Pam gets tortured by the Magister, Debbie gets branded by junkie werewolves, and Tara continues to be physically restrained and jerked around by Franklin. If little orphan Annie really wants to know what a hard knock life is, she should go to Bon Temps! -D

[Seriously! I mean, Tara's constant peril is one of my big complaints with this show and this week just really ramped up the misogyny, to the point where I was sure Lou Pines was going to turn into a drug-fueled gang rape (and it still might). Ugh. Tone it down, guys. -Z]

Bill’s Descent Into Darkness
For a bit it seemed like Bill might be under the sway of his maker, which would be an interesting (and somewhat female empowering, albeit more messed up) turn of events. Instead, it seems like he’s having the dullest descent into eeeeeeevil ever. Basically, he glowers a bit more, actually acts like a vampire, and gets blah blahed at about nihilism and love by every other character. Let’s hope this potentially interesting plot doesn’t continue to be a massive yawn. -Z

The Compressed Timeline
True Blood has always enjoyed shoving their seasons into tightly constrained periods of time–overall, the whole show thus far can’t have taken place over more than four months, which often causes a certain amount of, um, suspension of disbelief by the viewers. This season, however, it seems more noticeable than usual. For example, Andy shot Eggs maybe four days ago. He should still be under police investigation, not receiving promotions. Or the fact that while a lot seemed to happen this episode, I can’t think of more than one or two plotlines where we know more now than we did last episode. I’m all for cliffhangers, but make sure we’re hanging onto something. -Z

Jason Stackhouse, Struggling For Relevancy
Jason is a character I like a whole lot, even if he often gets shoved into dumb D-plots. And I’m fine with him going through some hard revelations and looking for the easy way out of pain, but boy, this cop plot has gone from amusing to deadly frustrating fast for me. For starters, Jason is not nearly as lazy (or dumb) as the show is playing him right now–he’s ability to learn and lead (when motivated) is what made his religious plot last season make sense. Now he’s back to being a dumb, fumbling drunk and it’s not pretty. I’ll still like him, warts and all, I just wish he could keep onto character growth from episode to episode. -Z

Jessica and Hoyt
I get that the show needs to put contrivances in place to keep things interesting. That’s why Bill called Sookie, after all. But there’s a big difference between a logical and/or believable contrivance and something decidedly less so. Hoyt and Jessica have fallen into the latter camp for most of the show, with Jessica’s misadventures (or teenager/new vampire emotions) causing a lot of the friction. But this season they’ve already had the accidental death and now…talking to another boy? Not only is that pretty pointless, but are we really supposed to believe that Hoyt wouldn’t just talk to her? Or not even care because, hey, people are allowed to talk to people. Even if they’re in relationships. Contrive all you want show, but could you write them a little better? -Z

Each week Dennis and I assemble a list of our favorite (and least favorite) moments for the latest episode of True Blood.

BLOODY GOOD
Jason: Law Enforcement Officer
There are more bizarre career trajectories, but that many. Still, the appeal of Jason’s plotlines aren’t so much the logic as the child-like wonder he brings to every new twist and turn in his life. Moreover, his slowly fading sanity is being played well, perfectly balancing humor with disturbing. I’m not sure where his PTSD-ness is heading, but it’s a good path to set. -Z

[I too enjoy Jason's delightfully dimwitted persona, the more I think about it though the more I fear Jason and Andy will quickly turn into every buddy cop storyline in history, I hope there's more to it than this! -D]

Franklin
Ok, so on the one hand, his plot is going to involve a lot of Tara, which isn’t always a good thing. It’s especially a bad thing when it has lines like “you lost yourself in the void”. Plus, let’s face it, the dude isn’t exactly dashing. On the plus side, he seems to have some good Bill vengeance going on and heck, I can’t dislike anyone who pretends a severed head can talk. I’m sentimental like that. -Z

[I declare Franklin to be the most interesting thing to happen to Tara in three seasons! Sure, it's yet another character taking advantage of Tara, but if we have to rehash this storyline every season, at least it's with this dastardly vampire enemy of Bill Compton --D]

Good Pacing
If there’s one thing I didn’t like about last season, it’s that Mary-anne and her orgies became, well, boring. They happened so often that they ceased to lose all meaning. This season, the show is putting plenty of coals in the fire, without overloading too much. There’s a lot going on, but they’re handling it well and clearly building to something. Possibly a giant vampire/werewolf fight. -Z

[I thought this episode was the best paced episode yet this season! As we note below, Alcide finally showed up, and we're starting to at least get some of last week's myriad mysteries answered. Glad to know Franklin "helped" Jessica find where that pesky body disappeared to. --D]

Alcide: Doesn’t Care About Sookie Either
More eye candy! Plus, specifically eye candy that doesn’t care about Sookie beyond general human compassion and who goes into awesome bars and trusts her to take care of herself, to some extent. A misplaced trust, to be sure, but it’s nice to see a guy on the show treat Sookie as if she was a capable human, rather than something made of glass. -Z

Pam!
‘Bout time this show got its girl on girl action. Props to the lady who can take care of business and steal part of the show with one scene. -Z

Sookie and Eric
No offense to real life loves Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer, but True Blood’s best chemistry comes from Sookie and her bad boy bullet-laden blood buddy (say that five times fast!). The show seems to be really amping up the Eric/Sookie/Bill love triangle (sorry Lorena, until the writers uh, flesh your character out in anyway, I can’t bother to consider you a part of a “love square”) and I think Sookie and the show are better for it. -D

[Amen to this. I mean, I am enjoying Alcide for his decided non-interest in Sookie, but man. Team Eric, guy. And, more importantly, team Anti-Lorena. -Z]

SUCKED
Tara’s Issues
I really don’t like to beat up on Tara too much, because the character’s issues stem from a lot of places. That said, man, her one night stand speech was irritating. Like, there are better, more nuanced ways for a guarded woman to display/talk about her issues and I hope the writers find it soon. -Z

Bud’s Quitting
If this is the way to write the character off the show, there were better ways to do it. And if this was just a filler scene so that Andy had contractually obligated screen time…it could have been better used. Plus, I like Bud. -Z

Sam’s Family Issues
Wow. I’m all for there being something more here, but until this stops being a standard “white trash long con” sort of plot, I’m going continue to be hella bored during their scenes. They’re drunks! It’s sad! Amgst! I. Do. Not. Care. -Z

[It's weird, I like Sam's brooding baby brother Tommy, and could watch them play a murderous cat and mouse, or dog/bird/mack truck game as the case be, all season, and Sam's mother seems nice enough, but I dunno why the dude needed a whole insta-family. Couldn't they have just brought one of these family members (my vote being Tommy) on? --D ]

Bill Not Contracting
I get that this is a character trait. It has always annoyed me on a level of historical inaccuracy. However, it is particularly annoying (and noticeable) when Bill is in the middle of rage and hate-sexing and still never contracts. It makes him a lot less menacing and a lot more…affected. -Z

The Ending
Ok, I didn’t actually think this sucked, per se, I’m just very ambivalent about it. On the one hand, I like disturbing imagery (see: this week’s photo), on the other hand, I get squicked out by consent issues pretty fast and this scene touched my buttons. On the third hand I just grew, it’s nice to see Bill be evil. Actually, it’s been nice to see Bill be charming and different and all sorts of emotions in Mississippi. Anything other than mooning for Sooks. On the back of that hand, this will only give us more Lorena. I’m just not sure. -Z

[Yeah I'm equally as torn about the ending. We know my displeasure for the 1-dimensional Lorena, and I dug the episode's pacing enough to almost want to give ti a pass. And they tried to explain it away with olde tyme Bill flashbacks demonstrating that vampire is, as vampire does (evil!), but I also sort of feel like it's a plot contrivance to get Sookie and Eric into the sack faster. Eh, hell. If that's the main reason: bring it on --D]

Each week Dennis and I assemble a list of our favorite (and least favorite) moments for the latest episode of True Blood.

Welcome to Remote Uncontrolled: Summer Edition: True Blood. Each week Dennis and I will bring you some analysis of the Bon Temps world in a format fitting it’s place as America’s Reigning Guilty Pleasure. Namely, a Hot or Not List.

So check out this week’s rundown, let us know what you think in the comments.

Dennis

BLOODY GOOD
Pam!
I’m sure happy they upped Kristin Bauer to regular. Pam’s always entertaining and she was one of the best parts of this episode. I enjoyed her hitting on Sookie, and yelling at Lafayette for calling her “hooker.” I will look forward to her sunny disposition and affinity for lipstick all season long.

Jason and Hoyt: Dysfunctional Roommates
Jason and Hoyt had some lovely canine psychologists throwing themselves at them but couldn’t do a thing about it, due to Hoyt’s broken heart, and Jason’s inability to look at the ladies without seeing bullet holes in their foreheads (which he foolishly tells them). Some people find Jason’s stupidity annoying, I find it amusing.

Sam and Bill
Short of anything on Logo, True Blood might just be one of the gay-friendliest shows on TV and from the looks of this episode (and the rumors that Lafayette’s getting a genuine love interest this season) it’s about to get gayer. It appears Sam getting Bill’s blood has had some um, interesting side effects such as almost-kissing, shirtless man dreams about his town’s vampire. Is it weird that Bill has more chemistry with Sam than Sookie?

Arlene and Terry
Well, Arlene appears to be on her way to having another kid. I sure hope it’s Terry’s because they’re a cute couple, but I guess it could be anyone’s after last year’s episodes-long orgy. It should at least give them some more story this season, and I’m all for that!

Bill and His Old Lady Meal
It probably wasn’t very nice of Bill to snack on the old lady but at least he kept her alive, and glamored her into thinking her son came by and gave her money. Hell, I’d let a vampire feed on me if I got cash out of it. Not sure what that says about me…

SUCKED
Tara
Oh Tara, go angst some place else already! I get it, you had a bad childhood. Lettie Mae’s a nutball, whether on the sauce or off it. And sure your breakfast sandwich with a side of 6 pac boyfriend just died. But dammit, if I care. I like Tara when she’s Sookie’s best friend and moral support. Not when when she’s trying to do everything to get herself put ON life support in a coma. After being Maryann’s main patsy for most of last season, I hope this season treats her better, though right now it’s not looking that way.

The Queen
Having Evan Rachel Wood appear on this show is oddly jarring. Maybe it’s her weird accent or lack thereof (did she have one last season?). Or maybe it’s just that queen vamp or no, I don’t think anyone should be allowed put (or back) Eric into a corner. Judging by the appearance of the werewolves, I’m guessing the queen isn’t this season’s big bad? Let’s hope not, because she’s kind of lame. Then again…

The Werewolves
We haven’t seen much of these guys yet in this first episode so I’ll reserve judgement about their storyline, and for the record, I’m all about bringing as many supernatural characters to the canvas as possible. But man, shouldn’t HBO have put a few more dollars into the computer graphics of those vamps? Even vibrating Maryann looked better than those doggies. From what I understand the Boardwalk Empire pilot was mighty pricey. Maybe HBO siphoned off money from True Blood’s effects budget? Scorcese couldn’t pay for the show entirely out of pocket? I need more believable werewolves! After Lovely Bones tanked, surely Peter Jackson’s company is looking for work?

Zoe

BLOODY GOOD
Andy and Jason: Country Musicians
Jason is pretty much gaurenteed to knock at least one scene out of the park and Andy, with his hang dog expression and equally hang dog voice, make him a perfect partner for the Other Stackhouse. Case in point, their motto of the evening, which translates really well into a country song chorus: “Conscious off/Dick on/Everything’s gonna be alright”. Someone set that to some honky tonk stat.

Bill and Sookie Being Far Apart
I like Bill and Sookie both as characters, but only when they are nowhere near each other. I don’t have nuclear levels of hatred for them the way some fans do, but they’re just more fun when they’re not in the same room or even in different states. Bill becomes a bit more of a badass and Sookie seems to grow a spine. Fingers crossed, they’ll be apart most of the season.

Gay Porn: Bon Temps Style
Was this scene just for the internet? And does it matter? Sure, Sam and Bill were more interesting together than Bill and Sookie (and Sam when he’s alone, ever) but rather than focus on that uncomfortable fact, let’s just all be a little sad they cut away before the kiss. Come on show. If you’re going to go man on man, go for it!

Lafayette
Basically just always. But especially when he’s telling off Tara’s mom.

SUCKED
Sookie’s Whining
I like Sookie. I really do. But having her focus on Bill and Bill is missing and this is the most important thing ever! Is…meh. I get that her and Bill’s relationship is ostensibly the focal point of the show, but I wish they could do that in a different manner. Having her take charge is great. Having her whine about the actual law is, uh, not.

Giving Tara the Shaft
I get this show is basically the holy trinity of blood, sex, and misery, but does Tara have to get so much of the latter? Not only does she have the least helpful best friend ever, but the writers seemed bound and determine to make every bad thing that can possibly happen to her, happen. It’s no fun for the viewer to watch and it’d be nice if it went away. Unfortunately, with the suicide attempt and her mom getting back into her life, it looks like we have another season of Tara being beat up by the world to look forward to.

There’s An App for That
Specifically, runes related to Werewolf cults? Bwa?

Confusing Vampire Hierarchies
So, the magistrate is higher than the Queen? And the Queen is also broke, even though all a vampire would have to do if invest a small sum and then wait for compound interest to do it’s magic. Or rob people. Or start a cult. Seems like there are a million ways for a vampire to cash in on their skill set (moving fast, being beautiful, blood, etc) without having to get two middle men to sell your blood for you.