Welcome to Remote Uncontrolled: Summer Edition: True Blood. Each week Dennis and I will bring you some analysis of the Bon Temps world in a format fitting it’s place as America’s Reigning Guilty Pleasure. Namely, a Hot or Not List.
So check out this week’s rundown, let us know what you think in the comments.
Dennis
BLOODY GOOD
Pam!
I’m sure happy they upped Kristin Bauer to regular. Pam’s always entertaining and she was one of the best parts of this episode. I enjoyed her hitting on Sookie, and yelling at Lafayette for calling her “hooker.” I will look forward to her sunny disposition and affinity for lipstick all season long.
Jason and Hoyt: Dysfunctional Roommates
Jason and Hoyt had some lovely canine psychologists throwing themselves at them but couldn’t do a thing about it, due to Hoyt’s broken heart, and Jason’s inability to look at the ladies without seeing bullet holes in their foreheads (which he foolishly tells them). Some people find Jason’s stupidity annoying, I find it amusing.
Sam and Bill
Short of anything on Logo, True Blood might just be one of the gay-friendliest shows on TV and from the looks of this episode (and the rumors that Lafayette’s getting a genuine love interest this season) it’s about to get gayer. It appears Sam getting Bill’s blood has had some um, interesting side effects such as almost-kissing, shirtless man dreams about his town’s vampire. Is it weird that Bill has more chemistry with Sam than Sookie?
Arlene and Terry
Well, Arlene appears to be on her way to having another kid. I sure hope it’s Terry’s because they’re a cute couple, but I guess it could be anyone’s after last year’s episodes-long orgy. It should at least give them some more story this season, and I’m all for that!
Bill and His Old Lady Meal
It probably wasn’t very nice of Bill to snack on the old lady but at least he kept her alive, and glamored her into thinking her son came by and gave her money. Hell, I’d let a vampire feed on me if I got cash out of it. Not sure what that says about me…
SUCKED
Tara
Oh Tara, go angst some place else already! I get it, you had a bad childhood. Lettie Mae’s a nutball, whether on the sauce or off it. And sure your breakfast sandwich with a side of 6 pac boyfriend just died. But dammit, if I care. I like Tara when she’s Sookie’s best friend and moral support. Not when when she’s trying to do everything to get herself put ON life support in a coma. After being Maryann’s main patsy for most of last season, I hope this season treats her better, though right now it’s not looking that way.
The Queen
Having Evan Rachel Wood appear on this show is oddly jarring. Maybe it’s her weird accent or lack thereof (did she have one last season?). Or maybe it’s just that queen vamp or no, I don’t think anyone should be allowed put (or back) Eric into a corner. Judging by the appearance of the werewolves, I’m guessing the queen isn’t this season’s big bad? Let’s hope not, because she’s kind of lame. Then again…
The Werewolves
We haven’t seen much of these guys yet in this first episode so I’ll reserve judgement about their storyline, and for the record, I’m all about bringing as many supernatural characters to the canvas as possible. But man, shouldn’t HBO have put a few more dollars into the computer graphics of those vamps? Even vibrating Maryann looked better than those doggies. From what I understand the Boardwalk Empire pilot was mighty pricey. Maybe HBO siphoned off money from True Blood’s effects budget? Scorcese couldn’t pay for the show entirely out of pocket? I need more believable werewolves! After Lovely Bones tanked, surely Peter Jackson’s company is looking for work?
Zoe
BLOODY GOOD
Andy and Jason: Country Musicians
Jason is pretty much gaurenteed to knock at least one scene out of the park and Andy, with his hang dog expression and equally hang dog voice, make him a perfect partner for the Other Stackhouse. Case in point, their motto of the evening, which translates really well into a country song chorus: “Conscious off/Dick on/Everything’s gonna be alright”. Someone set that to some honky tonk stat.
Bill and Sookie Being Far Apart
I like Bill and Sookie both as characters, but only when they are nowhere near each other. I don’t have nuclear levels of hatred for them the way some fans do, but they’re just more fun when they’re not in the same room or even in different states. Bill becomes a bit more of a badass and Sookie seems to grow a spine. Fingers crossed, they’ll be apart most of the season.
Gay Porn: Bon Temps Style
Was this scene just for the internet? And does it matter? Sure, Sam and Bill were more interesting together than Bill and Sookie (and Sam when he’s alone, ever) but rather than focus on that uncomfortable fact, let’s just all be a little sad they cut away before the kiss. Come on show. If you’re going to go man on man, go for it!
Lafayette
Basically just always. But especially when he’s telling off Tara’s mom.
SUCKED
Sookie’s Whining
I like Sookie. I really do. But having her focus on Bill and Bill is missing and this is the most important thing ever! Is…meh. I get that her and Bill’s relationship is ostensibly the focal point of the show, but I wish they could do that in a different manner. Having her take charge is great. Having her whine about the actual law is, uh, not.
Giving Tara the Shaft
I get this show is basically the holy trinity of blood, sex, and misery, but does Tara have to get so much of the latter? Not only does she have the least helpful best friend ever, but the writers seemed bound and determine to make every bad thing that can possibly happen to her, happen. It’s no fun for the viewer to watch and it’d be nice if it went away. Unfortunately, with the suicide attempt and her mom getting back into her life, it looks like we have another season of Tara being beat up by the world to look forward to.
There’s An App for That
Specifically, runes related to Werewolf cults? Bwa?
Confusing Vampire Hierarchies
So, the magistrate is higher than the Queen? And the Queen is also broke, even though all a vampire would have to do if invest a small sum and then wait for compound interest to do it’s magic. Or rob people. Or start a cult. Seems like there are a million ways for a vampire to cash in on their skill set (moving fast, being beautiful, blood, etc) without having to get two middle men to sell your blood for you.