Guys, I’ve been to the not-so-distant future. And not to spoil anything huge for anybody, but Friday, March 26th is fucking awesome.

As with all trips forward in time, I came back chock full of knowledge that, while exciting, may be unsettling to those living in the present. Allow me to help make this transition as smooth for you as possible.

1. Everybody loves Hot Tub Time Machine.

This is probably the most jarring, so I figure I might as well throw you in the cold pool right away and get it over with. Yes, everybody loves this movie. Yes, it’s because our (full disclosure: my) expectations were bargain-basement, and the script is basically 40 amazing t-shirt sayings you’ve never seen before strung together and filmed. The fact that it’s being screened to practically any rando two weeks before its release should tell you that. If it wasn’t good, it would be under lock and key until it absolutely had to be taken out into the world right before summarily hitting the trash, like leftovers from July ’07.

2. Rob Corddry has finally experienced his break-out role.

Once upon a time, there was a Daily Show correspondent who was very, very funny. But unlike his fellow funny Daily Show correspondents (Colbert, Hodgman, Helms, Riggle, et al), he lacked a full head of hair, and thusly, he was subjected to one live-action Seth Macfarlane pilot, and then sent away to serve a life sentence in balding, white comedian jail.

For awhile, it looked as though he would not trend on Twitter again until he died, or stole something unnecessarily from a child.

And then he turned in a performance in Hot Tub Time Machine that makes anything that happened during The Hangover seem about as funny as something thrown together over some Night Train, and then shown to an audience of sober people.

3. Clark Duke has a name, and there is a 45% chance that you know what it is.

Is Clark Duke the main attraction here? Absolutely not.
But is Clark Duke going to get offered movie roles after this? Yes.
And is it probable that those roles will be superior to the ones Rainn Wilson is being offered? Yes.

4. Everyone is laughing uncontrollably hard at a running gag involving amputation.

If I say anything more about that, I will ruin the joy, but you should prepare yourself: you will soon be finding the humor in imminent amputation. You will cheer for it. Let me repeat that: you will be cheering for someone losing a major appendage from their body in a horribly violent and traumatic way.

I’m just preparing you.

5. Educated people find ejaculate funny again.

I’m just preparing you.

6. Hot Tub Time Machine is a film described, with a straight face, as having a lot of heart.

The character featured in the some of the grossest gags in the film also ends up being immensely relatable, and even, dare I say it, likable. And if you’re a total whiner crybaby (like I am), you will find yourself at some point feeling as though you might actually be shedding a tear or two, if you were just a hair more drunk.