About Zoe Holmes

Zoe is a Midwesterner who lives and works and (travels often outside of) New York City. She majored in TV Watching (basically) and does newfangled marketing biz boz on the internet. She also watches, and obsessively discusses, a lot of TV and bad movies, particularly those involving crime-solving, suits, and explosions.

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54: The Vampire Is the Boss

Being Human: ”A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Me Killing You”

Zoe: Though I have had made my issues with Being Human fairly clear in the reviews here, I have to admit, I did like this first season. And while there are many (many) things I would like to se changed or improved upon in the next season, I’ll be tuning into it. That said, this finale was a bit underwhelming. It’s not as if I went into it with grand ideas, but the execution was pretty meh. Plots were rushed forward in a confusing and erratic matter and a flashback was tacked on to explain stuff that audience (or maybe just me) had already assumed.

Despite that, the show managed to work the things I enjoy: the roommate interaction, the homosocial relationship between Aiden and Josh, getting rid of a useless baby, even a relatively good cliffhanger. But the things that were supposed to be thrilling, weren’t. Aiden’s fight was fine, but not intense like one would want from the situation, though that may be my love of Bishop talking. Josh continues to be the worst boyfriend ever that we’re supposed to root for. Sally is going to hang around for no reason, still. Etc. Being Human is a fine show, but I prefer it erring on the side of light drama, then trying the heavy stuff. When it’s serious but fun it works for me. When it gets pulled under by “dark”, complicated plots it loses it’s way. I’m not saying it should be a sitcom, but I would prefer it tackle the more directly human issue of relating to the world than trying to be a supernatural thriller. Maybe next season. Really, I’d just be happy with better episode titles.

American Idol: “8 Finalists Compete (Music From The Movies)”

Scott: I was as shocked as anyone that American Idol‘s Tyler/Lopez/Jackson reboot was not only watchable early on, but better than the past 3 or 4 years of the show. Everything felt more energetic: the judges were into it, the auditions were packed with really talented and unique singers, the editing was tighter, the running time was mercifully shorter. Then we moved from Phase 1 of the show (auditions) to Phase 2 (the actual competition), and everything’s gotten worse and worse week by week. So, nice try, AI reboot, but time for more rebooting. Number one, the judges need to stop liking everything. The new panel seemed to love discovering talent in the auditions but don’t provide any guidance to the contestants or the audience now that the actual show’s underway. You don’t have to be a cartoon villain like Simon to tell Paul this week that he sucked (and accordingly went home). Secondly, this voting system’s got to go. Maybe returning producer Nigel Lythgoe was right that Pia’s controversial departure last week was a forgone conclusion as far as the audience’s votes were concerned, but the people who vote for American Idol are drooling morons who shouldn’t control the show. I’d be happy with getting rid of audience voting altogether, but the show needs to at least go to the So You Think You Can Dance system of voters selecting a bottom three and the judges sending one of the three home. Third, the new Jimmy Iovine segments of the show were great; I loved seeing a seasoned industry veteran guiding impressionable young artists and pairing them with well-known producers to create new, modern versions of songs we’ve heard a thousand times before. Now those have been dropped, and Iovine is forced to sit with noted cultural garbage bag Will.I.Am as he spouts stream-of-consciousness ramblings and combines names of musical genres. Get rid of this fool, and while you’re at it, can the shittiest band on TV, led by the guy who crosses his hands and mouths “namaste” to Ryan Seacrest at the end of every episode. Pretty much any bar band in Pittsburgh would blow these clowns off the stage.

You’re welcome, Rupert Murdoch.

Community: “Competitive Wine Tasting”

Paul: This episode was all over the map. There seems to be some setup occurring for a Troy/Britta storyline, which I can’t say I’m a huge fan of, mostly because I don’t find Troy and Britta’s interactions to be nearly as interesting as Troy and Abed’s, and while I have no time for “bros before hos” zero-sum relationship theorizing, when you’ve only got 22 minutes of episode, relationships do become zero-sum, with time spent on one taking away from time spent on another. Anyway.

Abed’s rivalry with and triumph over his professor was great—so great, in fact, that I wish it had been the focus of the episode. Finally, I find Pierce weirdly less insufferable when he’s paired with a woman roughly as awful as he is. I doubt the show will go anywhere with that relationship, but I hope they do.

The Vampire Diaries: “The Last Dance”

Rawles: Every once in a while, The Vampire Diaries and I need some time apart. Be it from a little too much of Damon’s tortured soul and miscellaneous other douchepires and/or weretools or just needing a break from some more unfortunate PoC and female guest stars deaths, I step back for a bit before returning to its embrace. Usually, it’s happy to see me. This time, it was evidently ecstatic since it gave me an entire episode about Bonnie and Elena. Bonnie and Elena, their relationship, foremost, but their relationships with the other characters as well. Bonnie Bennett is, more than anyone else, the hero of Mystic Falls. Damon is 98% self-interested, Elena and Stefan mostly do damage control, but Bonnie is the one who accepts — in straight-up Peter Parker style — that with her great power comes great responsibility. And she sees her responsibility as defeating evil that threatens the innocent. While the current story arc revolves around everyone’s quest to save Elena, Bonnie’s heroic nature heavily informs all of her actions. She’s willing to die for Elena because she loves her, because they’re best friends, because Elena would do it for her, but it’s not out of character for her, it’s not above and beyond. It’s a heroic sacrifice only befitting who she is. Now, if Bonnie had actually died, this reaction would be entirely different, but as it stands this episode was basically a tribute to how Bonnie Bennett is #1 the biggest BAMF in Mystic Falls, and #2 incredibly important to everyone around her — even if some of them aren’t willing to admit it. Aces all around.

Parks and Recreation: “Fancy Party”

Scott: We’re really at a point now where you if don’t like Parks and Recreation, I don’t like you. At a point when almost all of my favorite shows started incredibly strong this season only to limp across the finish line (Fringe, Community, American Idol), Parks and Recreation is just gets better and better. Take a character like April, for instance. There’s really no reason that a selfish, lazy teenager who’s unimpressed by literally everything the world has to offer should become lovable and sweet. And yet that’s exactly what P&R gave us this week with Andy and April’s thrown-together wedding in an unexpectedly heartwarming episode that began with a tooth being pulled without the benefit of anesthesia (or was it?!) and ended with love in the air for nearly every character. It’s pretty impressive that Aubrey Plaza, a very talented comedian who’s never really broken out of playing a certain type of character, has squeezed so much out of April this year, allowing her character to express love, anger, happiness, and so on with just a slightly different eye movement or tone inflection. In conclusion, I plan on being Ron Swanson for Halloween.

Nikita: “Covenant” and “Into the Dark”

Rawles: After leaving us hanging in an unconscionable manner during the hiatus, these first few episodes of Nikita have been good, if not up to that same OMG standard. A show can only totally change up its paradigm so many times in a short period, so it’s be expected. Michael’s immediate reaction to finding out the truth about Nikita and Alex defied expectation, however. It was also harsh and brutal, thus perfect for Nikita. They didn’t hold back on how betrayed Michael has been feeling since Nikita stopped him from killing Kasim and it doesn’t it really let up until he’s finally faced with an even bigger betrayal. When talking to my friends who never watched the original La Femme Nikita TV show, I often refer to certain twisty-turny plot machinations as “classic Nikita.” Kasim being a Division double agent who was specifically ordered by Percy to destroy Michael so that Percy could recruit him is 100% classic Nikita. I think it’s an interesting choice to have Michael’s final turning on Percy be rooted in something so personal as opposed to the fact that Percy is just generally the worst. Personal pain is pretty much everyone’s main motive on Nikita, but with the pains they’ve often gone to in order to present Michael as an idealist at heart, a person who believes in the greater good, I assumed the thing that pushed him over would be a little more lofty. Not that it doesn’t work and, of course, it also assists Michael and Nikita in finally making out. I’m all for Nikita getting action of every sort.

Then, we jump right back to Owen, Nikita’s other dude — I’m not even counting the highly boring and, thankfully absent, Ryan — who I will admit, I have at times secretly preferred the idea of her with over the idea of her with Michael. That said, I do like their relationship as is. His admiration and respect for her is a bit more adorable than anything a deadly assassin does should be. He feels almost like an audience insert at times, pondering how exactly Nikita is so amazing always. I actually wish he would become a regular, but him departing again wasn’t surprising. The episode was engaging anyway. Owen and Michael’s sniping at each other wasn’t even as annoying as it could have been due to Nikita’s shutting it down constantly. One complaint is that Alex hasn’t had much to do in these episodes. Well, besides something I was barely paying attention to with her new boring boyfriend (can we kill this one too?) and be harassed by Amanda again. Though, the latter is much more interesting than the former. Now if only Jaden could ever do more than appear in one scene every few episodes as a plot tool. I’ll keep dreaming.

House: “The Dig”

Zoe: I think Zack Handlen hit the nail on the head when he says that, at this point, change in House is inherently exciting, even if it’s just surface changes. To wit: despite never really getting on board with 13, I found myself enjoying her a lot this episode. It was different. It only sort of involved her Huntington’s. Maybe it’s just that she wasn’t in the hospital. But it felt like new life for a show that so often trudges around in the same, tired stuff. To further wit: if I never see Taub and his wife again it’ll be too soon. I thought we were free of that plot monster, but it keeps rearing it’s ugly head. Is anyone on the planet invested in Taub’s relationship besides his fictional roommate? No? Oh well, at least there’s Chase being a skirt chaser in the background and, not coincidentally, more fun than he’s been in years.

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53: It Was My Birthday

The Rock is throwing John Cena onto the mat.

WWE: “Wrestlemania 27″

Zoe: It may surprise no one that, growing up with two brothers who didn’t care about it and parents who didn’t want to pay for TV, I have never actually seen wrestling before. Going in knowing only the vaguest information and famous wrestlers meant I got to annoy my friends with questions and cynicism throughout the entire show. They had a great time!

It also meant that, until the final match, I had no idea that The Miz was actually the Real World’s Mike. While I’m always pleasantly surprised to find a Real World cast member who’s made something of their life (what up, Judd Winnick!) Mike wasn’t exactly a cast member I was a fan of. However, that changed when I became annoyed with John Cena’s overly wrought entrance, which included a massive gospel choir and an extremely long prayer. Then I wanted sweet blood. Which, it turns out, wrestling doesn’t have that much of. Sure, there’s the thrill of a concussion and the drama of multiple back and knee injuries (pre-determined winner or not, those guys actually get hit with things), but I wanted limbs flying everywhere.

Fortunately, my movie boyfriend The Rock stepped in and half fixed the match, half beat up Cena in his jorts. Suck it, guy I just learned about!

As for the rest of the show? Eh. I mean, some matches were a lot of fun or intense, like the Undertaker v. Triple H, but the rest required a love of jingoism and grrrrr-faces masculinity that I find appealing, or a lot of boring shots of guys lying on the ground breathing a lot. I think action movies have ruined professional wrestling for me, even as I appreciate I could never, ever do it. Well, since Snooki could, maybe I could too.

Armando: Confession: I am an incredibly huge mark/geek for “Pro” Wrestling. It’s my guilty pleasure. And while yes, I am fully aware that it is a mass pandering, nonsensical hysteria of excess, circus of lowest common denominator hullabaloo, I LOVE IT.

Why you ask? I love the hype. The art of whipping the crowd into a frenzy and then holding them there and then taking them for ride via the storytelling that happens in the squared circle. To me it’s like primal ballet. It encompasses every aspect of entertainment. Showmanship. Athleticism. Comedy. Action. Sadness. Anger. Confusion. And it does what I look for sometimes with my entertainment, takes me away. It takes itself so seriously but at the same time, it doesn’t. It’s the ultimate scripted reality show.

And when it comes to Wrestling, there is no bigger show than Wrestlemania! The entire year of WWE “story lines” and “rivalries” lead up to this circus. Even when I wasn’t watching the WWE on a consistent basis, I would order the PPV madness that is Wrestlemania.

This year’s edition was one of the best in years. My favorite match of the show was “The Game” Triple H vs. “The Dead Man” The Undertaker. (See? How ridiculous does that sound?) The Undertaker is undefeated at Wrestlemania, 18 years in a row. Triple H has accomplished everything in the WWE. Won every championship. Headlined on every show and PPV. He’s even married the bosses wife. (This was an instance of art imitating life) And a after a year long hiatus from a real life injury that was worked into his show storyline, the only thing left for him to conquer in the business, The Undertaker’s Streak at Wrestlemania! He would be the one to end “The Dead Man’s” dominance at this year’s biggest show on Earth.

Sitting there watching these two athletes, the pageantry of their long super produced introductions, the way they were able to tell a story in the ring and be able to captivate and entertain a live audience of over 70,000 and millions via PPV was fascinating and reminded why I love wrestling so much.

It truly is “take me away”‘ entertainment. Sure I love smart thought provoking entertainment. Things that are the complete and total opposite of wrestling. But sometimes, after a long day at work, battling the man, fighting the system, just trying to hang on and keep your sanity you, ok I, need wrestling.

It’s got ACTION! HYPE! COMEDY! VIOLENCE! MUSIC! EXPLOSIONS! BABES! STUNTS! SHOWMANSHIP! BEER!

Come On! What more could you ask for? Because I know you are dying to know

The Killing: “Pilot”/”The Cage”

Scott: Most critics and TV nerds agree that AMC is the best channel on TV right now (I’d make that argument for FX, but I digress). They’ve got a pretty fantastic track record so far with two unqualified masterpieces with middling ratings in Mad Men and Breaking Bad, one gigantic hit of middling quality in The Walking Dead, one critical hit with no ratings in Rubicon, and only one total flop in The Prisonerremake. They occupy the same space as HBO in the early 2000′s: about a half dozen buzz-worthy shows winning Emmys left and right, with more emphasis on making quality product than getting huge numbers. Now that The Walking Dead proved the big audiences are willing to tune in to the channel, though, will that corporate ethos hold up? The Killing arrives at a time that may tell the tale, as its first two episodes reveal it to be an odd beast of a show that pairs the artsy atmospherics and sometimes glacial pace of AMC’s less watched series with an accessible, standard issue genre premise like The Walking Dead.

For me, I’m not that impressed yet. From the plot to the characters to the acting to the writing to the direction, there’s very little in The Killing you haven’t seen four billion times before in filmed media. There’s lots of staring into the distance, ruminating on the evil in the world. There’s a glowering adolescent who doesn’t like his mom’s new boyfriend and snaps, “He’s not my dad!” There are cuts to high school hallways synchronized with bells ringing, and the kids in the high school are either shy and silent or raging junkie assholes. The murder victim’s parents collapse at the scene of the crime screaming “NOOOOO!” into the sky, and cry in the doorway of their child’s bedroom just the way they left it. Apart from the muted cinematography, there’s no difference between The Killing and whatever’s on CBS on Tuesday night.

I’ve watched all of AMC’s shows, though, and I’m sticking with The Killing for a little bit longer for two reasons. Number one, I really liked Frans Bak’s music, which is full of anachronistic synth fills reminiscent of Angelo Badalamenti’s classic score for Twin Peaks. We also get some nice, primal percussion near the end of each episode that reminded me of Bear McCreary’s work on Battlestar Galactica. But really, all the great music in the world isn’t going to keep me watching CSI: Seattle. The real MVP on The Killing so far is Joel Kinnaman as a truly strange rookie homicide detective who’s a bit like an overstretched piece of taffy with a druggy past and an accent that sounds like he’s the long lost white Alabaman member of the Wu-Tang Clan (complicated all the more by the fact that Kinnaman’s from Sweden). At first, Kinnaman’s Stephen Holder seems like the traditional hothead newcomer on the force, but by episode two he’s such a shifty rogue that he’s impossible to pin down. And AMC, you’re welcome to use the description “an overstretched piece of taffy with a druggy past and an accent that sounds like he’s the long lost white Alabaman member of the Wu-Tang Clan” in your ads for the show.

Camelot: “The Sword and the Crown”

Robert: The highly-rated April 1 premiere of Camelot began with a repeat of the first episode (see my write-up here) and concluded with this second episode that sees Arthur laying his mother to rest, encountering the mysterious blond from the sea and facing the challenge of a certain sword lodged in stone high atop a towering waterfall. It’s all traditional Camelot territory, sure, but it’s presented in a way that’s grounded in the sometimes odd ways that the real world can present itself. When Arthur frees the sword and asks Merlin about the legend and whether it’s all a ruse, the rationale is seems solid, hokey mysticism be damned.

Meanwhile, Morgan grows frustrated with King Lot and his rambunctious approach to the throne. She’s more concerned with being a legitimate ruler while he is, quite frankly, simply interested in the perks of the job. He’s clearly underestimated Arthur, but she knows better, and when Arthur frees the sword from the stone, their alliance is pushed to the limit. Lot tries to take charge by removing her from the picture and hastily planning an attack on Camelot, but she won’t stand for it, instead choosing to warn Merlin. The resulting melee works out just as she planned when Ector takes Lot down with him, but when Arthur and Merlin try to appeal to her better senses, Morgan’s insistence on ruling without the help of any man turns her toward darker forces for direction. Dark forces that require a nude Eva Green sauntering through the forest, natch.

The Good Wife: “Wrongful Termination”

It breaks my heart that this show is still on the bubble for renewal, even though it’s on the bubble for the same reason it breaks my heart in the first place — this show is actually good. Unlike most of CBS’ mindless procedurals, The Good Wife actually rewards we the viewers who watches this from week to week. We know Denis O’Hare’s judge is a big softy, and that Michael J. Fox’s Canning is also compellingly cunning. We know that Andrew Wiley is a good PI, even while humorously doting on his kids, and we mourn the passing of erstwhile patient Jonas Stern and aren’t surprised when Will finally finds out Stern had Alzheimer’s (and that Alicia knew about it but couldn’t tell anyone due to attorney-client privilege). And we appreciate the ever-growing closeness between Cary and Kalinda, and fear what the reveal of the Kalinda/Peter dalliance will do to both Alicia and Peter’s relationship and Alicia and Kalinda’s friendship. God I love this show. (Well, except for Elizabeth Reaser’s still thankless role as Tammy. I was really hoping Josh would let her leave for London). But seriously, can more people watch this so it’ll see another season? Pretty please?

Bob’s Burgers: “Spaghetti Western and Meatballs”

Ellen: Bob’s Burgers is one of those shows everyone on my Twitter feed seems to watch except me. (Also in that category: Mildred Pierce, but I understand it’s because I’m too cheap to shell out for HBO even for my girl Kate Winslet.) The gentle wave of pleasant feeling that swept that feed yesterday when Fox announced the quirky Sunday-night cartoon had been renewed wasn’t the first time I had thought about watching the show. This is actually last week’s episode, because there wasn’t a new one this week, but I’m hoping Editor Zoë will just glaze over the exposition and let me get to the opinionizin’.

Bob’s Burgers is an at best mildly entertaining family comedy featuring Simpsonsy art and Family Guy-style humor with a slightly offbeat style. Bob (voice: H. Jon Benjamin) owns a struggling restaurant and wife Linda (voice: John Roberts) looks after their three children, sulky Tina (voice: Dan Mintz), goofy Gene (voice: Eugene Mirman) and hyperactive Louise (voice: Kristen Schaal). In “Spaghetti Western and Meatballs,” Linda attempts to score major points with the other PTA Moms by signing Bob up to cater a school function, and Bob and Gene become obsessed with a classic Western movie series about a rebel named Banjo who shoots bullets from his instrument.

The plot line of a father sharing a beloved pop cultural artifact with the next generation — even if part of the next generation (Louise) thinks it’s extremely dumb — was tailormade for me, and I enjoyed the knocks on Western cliches, but the unintended consequences of Gene’s wanting to emulate Banjo the cowboy were extremely predictable and dull. My biggest laugh was hearing that one of Banjo’s onscreen rivals was named “Ceviche.” The perpetually shouting Louise would be grating if anyone other than Kristen Schaal was voicing her — the only voice I recognized right away (despite having seen Mirman perform in person). Neither a Family Guy-style cutaway nor a solid 30 seconds of fart-joke progression (which felt INTERMINABLE in a 22-minute comedy) landed their targets.

The difference between Bob’s Burgers and its companions in the Sunday-night block is that their defenders can fall back on “Well, it used to be better, and occasionally still gets in a few jabs.” Bob’s Burgers got a vote of confidence this week but will have to build on what it does have in order to not be in jeopardy next season.

Top Chef “Reunion Special”

Dennis: This reunion episode was less terrible than recent seasons, and that’s actually greater praise than it seems like coming from me. I’m on record as saying that these reunions are often painful hours of clipshows someone thought was funny, and yet another hour of a Bravo day given over to Andy Cohen’s shameless mugging. And yes, there was still clipshows and Cohen galore, but at least some important questions were quasi-answered (Will Blais really give Mike a cut of his winnings? Maybe. Was Jaime even trying? It’s debatable, but she doesn’t regret coming on the show. Were the Sesame Street judges as delightful as they seemed? You betcha), and there was even some (admittedly, Andy-instigated) drama between Tom and Elia. Apparently, Elia loves grass fed-beef and hates high fructose corn syrup, but Tom’s ok with corn-fed beef, and really likes Coca Cola. Yeah, that’s as dramatic of a revelation as there’s ever going to be on one of these reunions. Now everyone needs to rest up until whenever Top Chef: Original Recipe gets put back on the menu (What? You really thought I wasn’t getting one more food pun in?)

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52: America’s Got Mobbing Talent

Mobbed: “Series Premiere”

Ellen: This week in Shows I Don’t Watch: A series premiere! I was sitting with my roommates after dinner trying to explain who Will.I.Am is when we saw a preview for the new Howie Mandel-hosted reality show Mobbed. It’s a flash mob… reality show. Hey, remember when flash mobs were a thing that wasn’t on TV? I feel old, but I was both intrigued and lazy enough to take it in.

The premise of Mobbed is is Punk’d in reverse, meets Glee: Mandel finds people who have big news to impart — in this episode, dutiful boyfriend Justin who wants to make his marriage proposal to Nikki the Best Ever — finds volunteers to learn dance moves to be performed around them, and surprises them with a spectacle. (In the opening he suggests with an eyebrow-waggle that someone might use a flash mob to come out of the closet — truly, a step backward for everyone involved.) Mandel’s function to the show is to constantly push the envelope; if they have 200 dancers recruited (“via social media,” shadily), why not 400? If Justin and Nikki are getting engaged in the open-air courtyard of a mall, why not get MARRIED there? THAT NIGHT?

I’m of two minds on Mobbed. The first is that this is a wholesale ripoff of the genuine shenanigans of Improv Everywhere (working with 1/100th of the budget, and 100 times the heart, of Mr. Mandel), and also, that you shouldn’t be able to refer to it as a “flash mob” if the people involved are rehearsing for days and weeks up to the event. A further twist — hiring an actress to throw a drink in Justin’s face over dinner in some kind of “crazy ex-girlfriend” behavior — wanders into mean-spirited prank territory. (Also, stereotypes! All your boyfriend’s exes wear short dresses and act rudely! SO IT HATH BEEN DECREED!) The other is that I would kind of like to live in a movie musical, and I bet a lot of people would too. I may have been cringeing on the outside but somewhere in my dark, cold heart, I heard a whisper of “Well, no one really got hurt in the end.” I might watch this again, if the weekly “reveal” looked either funny or terrifying.

Justified: “The Spoil”

Scott: It just occurred to me this week, with only a third of its episodes left to go, that Justified’s second season is almost completely different from the first one; it’s just so subtly written and well-plotted that I hadn’t even noticed. Season 1 was great, but was structured as a traditional TV cop show: case of the week, with maybe a little bit of a season arc sprinkled here and there. Season 2 has done that great thing that only The Shield and Fringe have pulled off successfully, which is a case of the week that directly feeds into a season long arc. It’s a best of both worlds approach that gives our lizard brains the closure and satisfaction we expect from an episode of TV while developing the dramatic heft of long-form, epic storytelling. This week’s “The Spoil” was pure perfection, tightly pulling season (and series)-long plot threads together that we didn’t even realize were there, and doing it with brilliant dialogue, tense plotting and characters so richly developed that the only thing I can do is kiss my fingers like I just had a delicious spicy marinara sauce and say “Muua! Magnifique!” It’s only the second episode with input from the legendary Elmore Leonard, and his masterful character work looms large over the hour. The murderous drug runner Mags Bennett is given an impassioned speech that makes her out like a hillbilly Al Gore, our hero Raylan is defeated by an ethical lapse in the name of love, and the bad even when he’s trying to be good Boyd finds himself in the employ of thieves who aren’t even breaking the law. I couldn’t hope for a better episode on the week we learned Justified will be returning for Season 3 next spring.

Top Chef: “Finale”

Dennis: Oh, Top Chef. I was so psyched for this season, and while it was thrilling to see all our favorites (well most of our favorites, I’m still compiling my list of cheftestants for my Fringe-esque alternate universe edition of these “all-stars”), unfortunately (yep, here come the food puns) this season felt a little overcooked a bunch of episodes before. There was that week that no one got kicked off, and the following week where 5 people went to the “finals” in the Bahamas. Then three grueling weeks where 3 of those people did get eliminated, the last of which seemed like it was trying to trick people into thinking it was the finale (it was called “The Last Supper,” dammit).

Now, finally, the final final final finale! I’m just happy after an hour of “both contestants’ food was so good” proclamations, that the judges even managed to name a winner. And, I’m happy it was Richard. Well, not happy as I would’ve been if it were Carla or some of the other more beloved personalities. But if it had to be between sometimes cocky, sometimes confidence-less Richard, and all cocky, all the cock-a-doodle-clock Mike, I’ll gladly take Richard. I’ll also be gladly taking a much needed break from this show (I say no thanks to Top Chef Masters, Top Chef: Just Desserts, Top Chef: Special Victims Unit, etc) ASAP. And by ASAP I mean after next week’s Top Chef: The Season That Wouldn’t Die — Zombie Cheftestants (plus a Richer Richard) Reunite!

Parenthood: “Taking The Leap”

Scott: After a triumphant February sweeps period which found Parenthood getting its highest ratings ever for its best episodes ever, the show slumped back this week with a typical entry finding the Bravermans basically just hangin’ out. The biggest development was the introduction of Richard Dreyfuss as someone named “Gilliam”, the most effete Vietnam veteran this side of Oliver Stone. “Gilliam” is a Broadway producer known for shows with titles like “Pickle Juice” and Zeke wants him to stage Sarah’s play. Who knows how this will play out over the remaining three episodes of the season, but for now it’s played in that annoying vein this show can get into where it’s cutesy and silly and pulls us out of the family reality the show can generate really well in its more affecting moments. For example, Zeke apparently harbors a long dormant desire to act that we’ve never seen or heard mention of previously, and reads Sarah’s play on the toilet. I also hate how the Braverman kids talk to their parents, with everything in a breathless “Ugh, Daaaad” tone that might be realistic (I don’t have kids, so I don’t know), but is certainly annoying and makes mostly great kids like Amber come across as snotty little jerks. Also, Julia and Joel found out they can’t have another kid, a development that found me breathing a sigh of relief for Joel, who justifiably never wanted another one anyway.

Being Human: “Going Dutch”

Zoe: Hey guys, did you know that women can have babies? Because that’s all TV writers know! Apparently we’re going to do a baby plot on this show before we do a “Josh actually grows and matures as a person” plot line. Because I would really hate to not be constantly annoyed by 1/3 of the show! Instead we get to have a baby, or a lot of melodrama about a baby that may die. On the plus side, this at least got the two main characters to interact with each other. And as much as Josh can annoy me (because his writing is bad), what annoys me can become a lot more fun around Aiden. So at least there’s that.

Another positive thing: Rebecca is totally dead!DEAD, DEAD, DEAD! I don’t know anyone who watches this show at all, but I also don’t know anyone who cares about her. She was a boring, annoying character who had all potentially interesting plots killed in favor of an unbelievable love storyline. So not only do we get Bishop being a badass (I love Bishop and will be sad if he dies), but we also get Rebecca’s death. You win this week, vampire storyline! Especially since while Sally’s plot was interesting (for her), I couldn’t help but yell at the psychic. You saw this man kill a woman and yet you don’t tell his girlfriend that? That’s awfully callous. But hey. Baby!!!!

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51: At The Movies on TV

Troy, a young black man in a brightly colored shirt, chokes Chang, a middle-aged Chinese man in a bathroom and bald cap.

Community: “Critical Film Studies”

Zoe: I don’t think much about Abed’s probable Asperger’s syndrome and I really appreciate that the show doesn’t want to claim it for him and force him into some sense of diagnostic criteria. That said, I think this was a wonderful exploration of Abed’s more obvious diagnostic criteria, his pop cultural echolalia. This was an episode sort of about Jeff having many issues, sort of about Jeff trying to deal with Abed’s many issues, and sort of about Pulp Fiction (which, having never seen it, I assume was accurate). It was mostly, though, about Abed trying to make a connection with a friend the best way he knew how, by doing what he had seen. And while they lean heavy on the Abed relating to the world through TV, I deeply appreciate episodes like this, that show us why he does. Despite many funny gags and jokes, my biggest laughs were when Jeff started barring his soul and Abed’s facial expressions. It was a look of terror on a guy who doesn’t like the bottle he’s opened and doesn’t know how to handle it. And it was very funny.

Paul: A less-aware show would’ve made its Tarantino homage full of gangsters, guns, and sudden acts of violence. Community, of course, is smarter, and as such its take on Quentin’s style is to have talking. Lots and lots of talking. We get lengthy monologues from both Jeff and Abed, which despite not maintaining Community‘s standard gag-per-second count, are both funny and telling on a deeper level. I have to agree with the internet consensus: Normal Abed is deeply, intensely creepy. Finally, any episode that takes Jeff down a peg is fine with me. “THL, got it.”

Being Human: “Dog Eat Dog”

Zoe: When my older brother and I talk about TV, he talks about how dislikes shows like, well, this one. Shows that aren’t necessarily that good by the standards of HBO, but that have enough characterization and intrigue to hook in viewers like, well, me. If really bad shows are potato chips for the mind, then this are organic veggie sticks: still not that great for you to eat a whole bag of, but much easier to justify.

Which isn’t to say there wasn’t stuff to like about this week’s episode. For starters, I’m a sucker for vampire flashbacks, a requisite of any show with immortals in the cast. I’m also, admittedly, a sucker for Bishop. I think of the few things this show has does really well, it’s his journey as a villain and I like the light that this flashback shed on him. It doesn’t made his bad actions good or his good actions bad–it adds complexity to what was already a complex villain character. Since evil, especially the desire to make evil black and white, is something shows like this succumb to a lot (that and making evil sexy), I truly appreciate that Bishop is neither.

Also, in another news, is there some rule on TV shows that people can’t ever just have conversations about problems? It seems like the housemates (particularly Aiden and Josh) could ease a lot of tension and problems by a simple explanation of the facts. But I guess that wouldn’t be vaguely dramatic. Oh well! Maybe next week.

The Office: “Garage Sale”

Zoe: My interest in The Office is basically non-existent at this point and it’s unlikely I’ll watch the show past this season–I figure Carrell’s departure is a good enough time for my own. But even though the show isn’t really on my “Must Watch” list anymore, it still turns out wonderful gems like this week’s Was it a hilarious episode that had me crying with laughter? No, but it pulled off very funny (the proposal in fire joke) with genuinely sweet. Holly and Michael will never be my favorite characters on TV, but this episode highlighted the best of them, as well as setting up for Michael’s departure well. Throw in some funny B and C plots and the whole thing was sewn up very nicely. Well done, The Office.

Remote Uncontrolled

50: One Must Die So That Another Can Live

V: “Devil in a Blue Dress” and “Mother’s Day”

Rawles: Well, that was mostly silly. It beggars belief to suppose that it never occurred to anyone in the Fifth Column that trying to disrupt an energy reactor made with technology that they can barely comprehend might lead to, you know, an explosion of some sort. It’s even more baffling that Lisa seemed to also have no idea that playing around with blue energy might not be the wisest course of action, but that can possibly be excused by the fact that Anna doesn’t seem the sort to give Lisa a particularly thorough education. Of course, nothing can compare to the absurdity of everyone deciding that the best plan of action to assassinate Anna would be to leave it entirely up to her daughter who’s only working with them in the first place because she’s fallen prey to human emotion. Though having Chad Dekker be one of the people on the ransom video comes close. Anna manipulating Lisa into sparing her was pretty excellent, as was… well pretty much everything else she did. There’s a certain threshold one reaches where the side of good has become so incompetent that you have no choice but to root for evil and I think V‘s coming up on it pretty fast. Of course, this is the season (and possibly series) finale so we won’t be able to further test that theory for some time, if at all. At the very least TYLER’S DEAD TYLER’S DEAD TYLER’S DEAD. Even if there is never a single episode of V produced again, I will have that glorious moment to make me smile forevermore.

Robert: It’s been an odd roller-coaster ride with this series. One disproportionately full of few highs and far more lows, and not surprisingly, I’m thinking this will be the last time any of us will have to sit through it ever again. Looking back at the pilot episode, I remember thinking the show felt rushed and forced, but after this second season, it could not have possibly dragged any slower. When an all-out invasion seemed imminent at the end of the first season, the stage was set for some magnificent conflict, but instead, we got a prime-time soap opera that, for all its devilish glares and tersely-spoken dialogue, left us nearly where we started in the first place. Even the stunt casting from the original miniseries (Jane Badler earlier this season and Marc Singer for mere seconds in the finale episode), while great for TV geeks, ultimately did little to affect the course of the show—or rather, nothing that couldn’t be undone by the show’s writers.

The best moments of “Mother’s Day” were both perplexing and amusing, mostly because they were overly contrived and cliched, but also because they felt like a build-up to something we’ll never see. Stephanie tries to kill Anna but lets her emotions get the best of her; Anna tries to kill Diana and succeeds because, well, emotions got the best of her too. Anna creates a fake-Lisa to finally get Tyler in the sack, but this only reduces the real Lisa to a bigger emotional mess (the Fifth Column really hinged all their plans on this chick?). And Ryan, well, I’d like to think there was some sort of commentary on fathers abandoning their children or some other trope, but his departure was simply long overdue. I got the message early on that this would be a big departure from the ‘80s series, and that final step of having a human/Visitor hybrid unleash her brainwashing mojo on all of humanity—save for those few in the super-secret underground bunkers—was a pretty bold move when you think about it. The ramifications of an event of that magnitude would be a game-changer on any other show, but if the level of un-sophistication seen so far on V is any sign, I have little faith that it’d be handled in any sort of spectacular way.

Of all the hurdles that sci-fi on TV must overcome in order for us to look past the obvious shortcomings like cheesy visual effects or mediocre acting, plotting and characters should be the first and foremost. Unfortunately, aside from establishing its core characters, V never quite managed to hash out believable motivations for them and more importantly, never got its arms around a logical or intriguing story. That’s a shame too, because I really wanted to like this show and would’ve been content just to see the themes in the original series merely updated or expanded upon for the 21st century.

Being Human: “I Want You Back (From the Dead)”

Zoe: I’m trying to think of a vampire I ever saw cry as much as we see Aiden cry. And while Angel was prone to some weepiness, I think we can say Aiden is the most in touch with his feelings. Guess that puts that soul question to rest. Aiden wins the storyline of the week, with his neighborhood boy friend Bernie being turned by Rebecca (who I’d be really OK with the show offing) and then having to kill Bernie, after he appears to kill two bullies. Aiden’s earned those tears, is what I am saying–and he’ll probably have some more when he finds out that Bishop set Bernie up. Dun dun dun duuuuun.

Meanwhile, in the boring plots, Sally starts dating another ghost who she had a crush on in real life. This ghost is perfect except he has a “death echo” where he relives his drowning every day. Even though she actually gets to make out with someone and enjoy herself, this is a show that likes to resolve everything in an episode, so Sally has to dump ghostie. Too bad, because Sally doing something other than intensely staring at Danny and whining was the most interesting plot she had yet.

In other death echo news, remember how Josh likes Nora, but is also very cautious? Well, that songs plays again. Which would be alright is Josh was less of an asshole or if Nora had more of a spine (he’s not worth it honey, but he has this roommate…) Instead it’s last week’s and the week before’s plot, with different lines. Maybe that explains why Josh is a grumpy gus with Aiden–at least it gives him something to do.

The Bachelor: “Finale”/ “After The Final Rose”

Ellen: This is the end of my long hiatus from Remote Uncontrolled, as TV and I have gloriously reunited again. I thought I should get back to what I used to do for this column, which was cover shows that I usually would never watch to either confirm my suspicions or discover something I actually liked. The Bachelor falls squarely into the former category: As a tabloid reader I haven’t been able to stay out of the highbeam of “news” surrounding the show’s various seasons, but Monday’s finale was the first time I ever watched a full episode by choice. Each season finale has featured the artificial “happy ending” of the Bachelor proposing to one of the two finalists, while gently letting down the other; the wrinkle this season was that Brad Womack had already appeared the show in 2007 and decided in that season finale not to propose. Was he really ready to fall in love again? Uh…

Listen, I was strapped in for artificiality in this heavily montaged and scored vacation real, featuring the sweeping hills of South Africa and, for the ”After The Final Rose” live special, a cheering studio audience who may have nothing better to do with their lives (or couldn’t get tickets to American Idol). But all I could think as I listened to Brad intoning “I’ve picked a woman for me. It’s different this time” and other platitudes was, “Man! What a terrible actor!” Looking miserable and sounding as if he were reading from invisible cue cards, Brad did indeed go through with his choice, picking blonde Emily over brunette Chantal, with all the sweetness one uses to check mistakes in a spreadsheet. If this were a scripted show and Brad were a leading man, it would have been canceled. Can we not demand more of our fake reality TV? Spencer Pratt could act circles around this guy, and he’s not the brightest crayon in the box.

(Speaking of the brightest crayons in the box, some high school students are apparently miffed that last weekend’s version of the SAT contained an essay question on reality TV. This is a great story because it provides equal opportunity for highbrow and lowbrow to get upset about the state of the country, but I can’t comment because I’m still upset that my SAT score now looks like garbage on the 2400-point scale. You kids take your test prep and get off my lawn!)

I finally shut off the live postshow analysis when Brad and Emily blamed tabloid speculation for their “difficulties” in maintaining their relationship through distance (Emily and her daughter live in Charlotte), instead of just throwing their hands up and saying, “This show has a 0 for 14 track record; you should be happy we’re still speaking.” Verdict: Would not watch again.

Community: “Custody Law and Eastern European Diplomacy”

Zoe: As a nerdy, curly haired brunette living in New York City, I’m going to come across some Liz Lemon comparisons. It’s guaranteed. And yet, while Lemon and I aren’t totally dissimilar, I think my kindred TV spirit is, sadly, Britta. This it home last night, starting with her awkward “white people” joke in the opening and ending with her not understanding the rules of how to be friends with Troy and Abed. Sure, I’m less self-righteous and sure, I’m less likely to make out with someone referred to as Tall Kyle (or tell my friends the details), but the awkwardness and insecurity? Oi. I’ve never been someone who hated Britta, but she’s not my favorite character either. I have to wonder if some of that is like my friend who has an unofficial, never started beef with Donald Glover: when you have a limited palette of characters to choose from, the ones who hit close to home and the ones you like the least.

In other news, I still don’t get Chang, but I do love saw-related humor. Go figure. And more importantly, congrats to Community for a renewed third season!

Lady Bits

In Which We Adjust The Adjustment Bureau

Ellen and I wanted to get away from the rom coms so we decided to hit up March’s big action flick, only to find it was trying to be a rom com. just when you think you’re out…

Ellen: Starring Hat Damon! Sorry, had to get that out there right away.

Zoe: Haaaaaaaaaaats! Angels with haaaaaats! I have to say: less disappointing than Legion, which was supposed to be angels with guns and failed on that regard entirely. At least there were a lot of hats in this movie! Also, a 15 year old’s viewpoint on free will.

Ellen: I had to look up what Legion was. Must have missed that one in theatres!

I feel sort of bad that human free will caused everything bad to happen in the world. On the other hand, there’s always (spoiler?) the powwwwwwer of looooooove, or at least the power of two attractive people with decent on-screen chemistry, one of whom is incredibly pushy and stubborn.

Zoe: Ha. You know what annoys me the most about this movie is that it could have been so much better. For example, there’s the idea that in some ways it’s a reverse Adam and Eve story, which is sort of cool. And then there’s the idea that angels can be assholes, which is also sort of cool. There’s also a few twist endings the movie could have done, or stakes that could have been raised, or lots of cool things that the movie never, ever explores in favor of haaaaaaaaats and fast running! Because that makes it look like something is happening.

There’s also the unstated idea that god/Angels only care about Western culture (all positive things that the angels did: in the West. All negative things humans did: also in the West). Plus there are no lady angels, because we’d just get all our emotions over the cold, logical plan of “the Chariman”, I guess? Or maybe they just didn’t know what hat a lady angel would wear.

Ellen: May I suggest a pillbox?

This movie definitely wanted to be a thinking person’s action movie a la “Inception” and action won out in the end. What’s surprising about it was that I was surprised. Somehow it suspended my This Is Hollywood This Is What We Do Here programming for just long enough that I really believed it was going to pull something big off. Then it just became a running-everywhere-and-save-the-lady movie. If I had to pick a turning point, I’d say Matt Damon’s character running around South Street Seaport trying to find a phone to go to the dance studio.

And what was with that short film about a congressman’s viral video at the beginning? Oh wait… that was where all the humor in the movie was, aside from our endless parade of hat jokes.

Zoe: See, and what disappointed me is that it really wasn’t an action movie. I mean, yes, there was a lot of running around and yelling. And yes, a couple of times Hat Damon decked a guy. But mostly it was just running as if something was frantically happening. I mean, the major way Damon gets screwed by the guy who pulls out the stops is….sitting in an abandoned warehouse and then getting talked to logically. Bo-ring. But at least we know that free will sort of exists? Except when it doesn’t. Which is pretty much always. Not that the angels really know, because it seems like God is sort of a dick.

Ellen: God is the villain! Operating through Terence Stamp, of course, as he always does.

I have to disagree with you a little on the action bit. We know that the hatted ones are capable of doing very scary things like wrecking cabs and, implied, killing off Hat Damon’s dad and brother to make him the next President. That is an honest threat that the cab accident, which I admit made me jump a little, seems to pay out on. My charge would be not that there is no action, but that it is inefficient. The score swells, but nothing happens. The chase scenes are mostly interesting because it’s a bunch of dudes in suits and HATS! running up the stairs or trapping Matt Damon and Emily Blunt on a rooftop — again, somewhat threatening, but it’s not clear why they got up there in the first place.

(Side-note/ theological question: We’re told by Anthony Mackie, my latest favorite Hey It’s That Guy, that the God-figure “The Chairman” appears to everyone, but in a different form. Given that we know this, who in this movie is The Chairman to him? I’m voting for his eternally peeved friend. That’s the kind of God I could at least live with.)

Zoe: God is totally the villain until the love of Hatty D and Dancey B change his mind.

I mean, on the one had, there are implied threats, on the other hand, actually killing Damon would probably also be against the plan? And while the angels did off with his dad and his brother, there wasn’t really malice behind it, which is what I guess I want from a villain. The car accident was good, but even then, no one was hurt (except maybe their insurance premiums!) I’m not saying there was no action, but it wasn’t exactly a non-stop thriller, either. The angels are sort of just bored robots, totally uncaring about being really threatening. I mean, the movie tells us that God limits their power through hats (YES REALLY, THAT IS A THING IN THIS MOVIE), so maybe not really being able to do too much is part of that. That and the weird “water limits your power” rule. Maybe that’s just a jab at godless sailors?

But really I just think they could have done a better job scaring Damon. I mean, they tell him that (SPOILERS) hooking up with Blunt will keep him from being president, which they need him to be. But they never say why. I mean, there’s a big difference between “you will never be president” and “you will never be president, which means we get bombed by Canada and millions will die.”

Eternally peeved friend was my second favorite character after Mackie. Damon is just constantly messing up his plans, and his still cool with it! That’s the kind of God I want: the kind that sighs deeply when I mess up, but still wants to make jokes with me.

Even though we’re not singing the film’s praises, I do want to note that the movie was really awesome with the New Yorkness of it. The geography was actually laid out correctly and there was even a joke about how confused downtown is (damn you, non-grid!) In a film where the crux of the plot hangs on whether or not someone spills coffee on their shirt (YES, REALLY) it was nice attention to detail.

Ellen: I guess I should properly spoil the movie here: Hat Damon tries to figure out why this mysterious coterie of gentlemen with hats is keeping him from Emily Blunt, aka Dancey B. (She plays a modern dancer.) The most he finds out is that if they’re together, he will not achieve his dream of becoming President — which occasions a really nice “Macbeth”esque scene, but that seemed to be a throwaway — and instead of becoming the World’s Most Famous Choreographer she will end up “teaching dance to 6-year-olds.” (As usual, teachers get no respect; have you ever tried to teach anything to a 6-year-old?) As you point out, we’re not told why it’s so bad that he doesn’t become president apart from some fuzziness about not living up to his potential. And there’s a buried threat that if he doesn’t live up, he will get himself killed to fulfill someone else’s role, which I believe is what happened to William McKinley.

Also, how many famous choreographers do YOU know?

What distressed me about this message is that it’s buried in what I see as an attempt to make a four-quadrant picture, with Romance For The Ladies and Action For The Dudes. We’re bumping along quite nicely with some meet-cutes and a love scene, and suddenly You Must Be Forever Alone is dropped on our leads, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with that information. Seeing as Zoe and I watched this together, I can only assume that Lady Bits will someday be broken up by a dude in a hat, in which case I request Jon Hamm please and thanks.

You know it’s getting dire when you start noticing the believability of the geography in a movie, but for what it’s worth, I agree with you. Since moving here I’ve become a pain in the ass about movies that cut corners on their NYC geography, and this one is fairly faithful with two exceptions: Jumping to a brunch restaurant in a park without explanation (probably Central, but they were in Madison Square just before?) and Hat Damon commuting by bus from Madison Square Park to Coffee Shop in Union Square — no more than 10 blocks. But that scene in Brooklyn Bridge Park! Good job, director who will probably still find work after this!

Zoe: You and I discussed this after the movie, but it also bothers me that there’s no recognition that First Ladies always have to give up their dreams, at least why their husbands in the Oval Office. It was telling that, of course, Dude Damon would never have considered this abou tany woman, and neither would the Angel Dudes.

But I think you’re right on the money that the movie, in trying to mix so many genres, failed all of them. Hatty and Dancey have great chemistry (something else the movie got right) but spend most of the film apart, and most of that time is spent seeing Damon angst about everything and/or run with hats. There’s no sense of the romantic comedy’s focus on the woman’s emotions and no sense of the action movie excitement you would want from one of those films. That, combined with the noted, overwhelming message that it’s in the world’s best interest for you to abandon your soulmate, probably makes this a pretty cruddy date movie.

Also, I took the time to Wikipedia the movie (research!) and laughed at this: “Moreover, it has been speculated that the Chairman is actually God, while his caseworkers are angels. The director of the film, George Nolfi, stated that the ‘intention of this film is to raise questions.’” Because if by “raise those questions” he means explicitly state that in my movie, then yes, I guess we can considered those issues raised. Before we saw the film, my mom mentioned that she had heard they were angels and I teased her about spoiling me, except that’s basically aid, oh, thirty minutes into the film. Even the director has no idea what he was trying to accomplish!

Ellen: I wonder how much of the speculation took place in the Philip K. Dick story on which the movie was based (alas, not available for free online as far as I can tell). I agree though that I would have preferred more ambiguity on that point.

Did you really think they had great chemistry? I read that elsewhere and I didn’t really see it, perhaps because Matt Damon is so Boy Scouty I don’t really feel a strong buzz of chemistry from him with any leading lady. I haven’t seen the Bourne movies, which I gather are a close analogue to these — no? — maybe? — but I think the last time I perceived him as having chemistry was in “The Talented Mr. Ripley,” so I didn’t see it. If anything I think this movie could have used more Emily Blunt not in Manic Pixie Dream Girl Oops, I Broke Something Of Yours mode.

Zoe: I wondered what the story was like too! (And the Wikipedia page for it reads like nonsense). I imagine it’s more satirical of the “angels as a corporation” concept, which the movie wholly and unironically embraces.

Hmmmm. I thought they were cute together, I guess. I mean, they weren’t smoldering off the screen, but it didn’t feel dead and wooden. Let me give the movie some credit, Ellen! I can see how the Bourne movies are roughly analogous, but not quite–those are far more actiony, which less hats and lady business getting in the way.

You know, despite the fact that we have written a few thousands words bemoaning this movie, I’m surprised how little I care about it. I was neither impressed, nor so upset by it’s awfulness and/or potential that it annoyed me. It was just sort of…there. It’s basically the epitome of a March movie in my mind: something better than January/February, but too cotton candy to be a summer blockbuster. Sometimes it works out (I’m a Duplicity booster, myself), but mostly it’s just watching something and forgetting immediately. I could say I wanted this movie to be better–and I did–but I think by that I just meant “more explosions, especially if they involved hats.” I wasn’t actually expecting it to be good, but I was hoping for fun.

How about you: final thoughts?

Ellen: I can’t remember if I watched all of Duplicity or not, which speaks volumes in its own. But for people who have asked me whether they should watch it, I haven’t been saying “Don’t, ever,” but rather “Wait for the DVD, or watch it on TV.” I can envision coming across it on TBS and being mildly drawn in in the future.

I was hoping the hats’ function would be cooler, or conversely that they had no function other than making their owners look good. Props to Anthony Mackie, though. See you in every movie ever!

Remote Uncontrolled

49: All Fears Have Come True

Glee: “Sexy”

Scott: With 2/3 of Glee’s second season in the can (“can” meaning “toilet”), it’s impossible to overlook the painful truth: everything we worried might go wrong with the show’s meteoric rise from barely on the air to top scripted show on TV has gone wrong. Remember worrying that Ryan Murphy would turn up the wackiness until the show’s characters had no connection to reality? Remember worrying that the musical numbers would be shoehorned in with no thematic relevance? Remember worrying that the main characters were one dimensional shells that could barely sustain themselves over the course of the pilot? I don’t know anyone who’s still watching it, and I work for a musical theatre company.

Somebody’s still watching it though, because the huge dip in quality from season 1 to season 2 has resulted in ratings that basically doubled and stayed there. I suspect that a lot of us who loved the freshness of Glee’s early days are hanging in there, waiting for more of the stuff that hooked us in the first place. In that way, “Sexy” is a perfect example of the season as a whole in that it’s a complete mess. There’s a guest star (Gwyneth Paltrow again) who adds nothing, fantasy land writing that pretends John Stamos would marry a woman he’s never had sex with and then not have sex with her for months after their wedding day (this year’s equivalent of a high school football star believing he’ll be a father when he’s a virgin), a handful of musical numbers with no connective tissue seemingly chosen by putting an iPod on shuffle (although this may be the only time you’ll ever hear Garry Glitter next to Fleetwood Mac in a show pitched to 15 year olds), and a leading cast that the show has zero idea how to use (do Matthew Morrison, Lea Michele and Cory Monteith raise hell about their treatment on the show or are they happy just to be on TV?).

But then in the margins, we get some really wonderful, honest moments. Of course the Kurt/Burt stuff is great, it always is. But the big surprise is Santana’s coming out story, which goes a completely different and far more complicated direction than TV logic would usually dictate. Along with Jane Lynch, Chris Colfer and Mark Salling, Naya Rivera and Heather Morris are tremendously appealing performers who even the Glee writers can’t make suck, and this is their finest moment yet. So yeah, I’m still watching. And I’ll keep doing so. Dammit.

Greek: “Legacy”

Dennis: So apparently Greek‘s over? I barely even realized that we had reached the series finale of the show. ABC Family, having moved on to cashier cash cows like Pretty Little Liars and The Secret Life of Why the Hell is Everyone on That Teenager Show Pregnant? kind of skimped on the promotion. And, it certainly felt like the show’s writers were hoping against hope for more episodes in between last week’s penultimate and the finale, as things felt a little rushed. All of a sudden Casey and Evan are research students? Cappy’s graduating? Characters like Wade and Jen K. were suddenly back? Ashley and Rusty, and Dale and Laura’s simmering romances were suddenly boiling over? Well, ok. Still, I was happy with the way things concluded with most all of the characters, except perhaps Calvin and Heath (who were happy, but about to be presumably separated by Calvin’s studying abroad), and Rebecca and Evan (who were separated by Evan’s law school, but still exchanging the occasional lingering glance). I understand the show’s reluctance to end this show withevery single couple ending up together like this was something of a Shakespearean comedy, but with every couple but these two couples (hell, even Catherine and Beaver found each other) perfectly content, I just felt bad for them. Clearly there’s reason for a spin-off! ABC Family are you listening? No? Well, fine. Much like college, Greek was great fun while it lasted, I’ll always have my memories, and in a few years I’ll start rambling about how these days were “the best days of my life.”

House: Bombshells

Zoe: Look, having never been an addict or in a relationship with an addict, I can’t say what it’s like. Nor can I say that Cuddy’s line in the sane was the wrong tack to take–everyone needs lines and boundaries. But it did seem to come from a place of not understanding that recovery isn’t a smooth process you finish at one–relapses (or struggles with it) are a part of recovery. I’m not saying she shouldn’t have dumped him–her reasons are good–but to not call his therapist, Wilson, or even one of the House team members? Not give him any support when he is obviously going to be tempted to use again? That’s cold.

Not that I’m elated over Cuddy dumping House. While I was never a huge fan of that pairing, it was at least a new direction (sorta) to take both characters and while the breakup arc is a good one, I have no faith that any of the meaty, complicated storylines will be dealt with and frankly, House as a grumpy addict bores me. But the dream sequences this week were both surprisingly fun (I’m a zombie fan AND a sucker for Butch Cassidy), but also a good chance for Hugh Laurie to show his chops. Because this show can be so bland from week to week, one can forget that Laurie was once a comedian and remains a very talented. It’s nice to be reminded of that and get to see an ax cane. As for the breakup? Well, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Raising Hope “Cultish Personality”

Dennis: Considering he seemed like an integral character in the pilot, I’m happy Raising Hope didn’t treat Cousin MIke like the gay housekeeper on The Golden Girls (seriously, watch the pilot) and finally brought him back. And in bringing back Mike, we were treated to TV all-stars like Oz‘s J.K. Simmons, Best Week Ever‘s Paul F. Tompkins, 24‘s Mary Lynn Rajskub, and even Glee‘s tertiary player Kent Avenido! I would watch an entire show with Mike, his father, his wife, and his reverse-Big Love “brother husbands.” I’d say I smell a spin-off, but I’m really just going from show to show this week, demanding spinoffs all around.

Being Human: “Children Shouldn’t Play with Undead Things”

Zoe: I hate that I dislike Sally. It’s not her fault, really. The actress is perfectly serviceable and ghosts, being rarely show on TV, offer something interesting. But her character arc on the show is sadly limited. She’s obviously going to figure out a way to deal with the “murdered” situation and frankly, the sooner at plot gets over the better. It’s already been dragged out enough for me. And after that…what’s left? What would tie her to Earth? Nothing interesting, I imagine.

Which is a shame, because as a roommate, she’s sort of fun. She teases, she can be a bit annoying, but she’s helpful when you need it. I would have no problem hand-waving away the whole “afterlife” issue and focusing on other aspects of ghost stuff, if it meant less badly acted, uninteresting angst and more awkward roommate nudity and intrusion.

In other news, Aiden still wishes he were a dad. And while they keep teasing it like we’re going to find out something terrible happened to his family I think it’s pretty obviously that the terrible is either 1) he ate them or 2) some other vampire ate them. The guy’s a vampire: his family’s death isn’t a riddle to tease out; it’s a plot to open up and move on. I’m more interested in why the entirety of hid parenting seemed to be running around in a field with his kid and why he despite being alive for 257 years he’s a really, really bad liar. Also, Josh has sex! But he was sort of a werewolf while doing it, so awkward. And….that’s basically it. The show is fun, but man, not a lot happens in it, does it?

Top Chef “Fit for a King”

Dennis: Another week in The Season That Just Won’t End. Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying this season more than the last few, but sweet lord can we speed this process up a little? After last week’s wimp out, elimination-less episode, we’re treated to what seems to be the first of about 100 weeks of “finals” in the Bahamas, including winners from previous seasons (some of which really just reminded me that I hardly ever like who wins this competition). And worse yet, fan (and more importantly my) favorite Carla was eliminated! With Tiffany seemingly DOA (though just middling enough to stick around, a surprisingly good skill to have!), it’s likely down to Antonia, Mike I, and Richard for the title? Well, that sure is a recipe (almost got through this whole week without a food pun!) for underwhelming.

Remote Uncontrolled

48: In Like a Hiatus, Out Like a Lamb

Camelot: “Homecoming”

Robert: Riding in hot on the heels of Spartacus: Gods of the Arena is Starz’ new adaptation of King Arthur and his exploits, Camelot. Yes, Arthurian legend has been told time and time again, but Starz, perhaps due to the surprise success of Spartacus, is aiming to show us a weightier, more adult version of it than we’ve ever seen before. That said, there’s less over-the-top violence, anachronistic swearing and conspicuous visual effects; instead, the focus is on the complicated maneuvering of family and political relationships, which, handled well, should make for a more solid hour of television.

When King Uther of England is poisoned, loyal sorcerer Merlin (Joseph Fiennes) seeks out young Arthur (Jamie Campell Bower)—long ago whisked away into hiding from his royal parents—to restore order to the kingdom as rightful heir to the throne. Meanwhile, his half-sister Morgan (Eva Green) angles to claim the throne for herself, and after their first confrontation, proves that she’ll do anything in her power, no matter how brutal, to keep it that way. It’s a brisk first hour, and if this “preview” episode is any indication of the series as a whole (set to debut April 1), Starz may just hit that lofty target.

Parenthood: “Qualities And Difficulties”

Scott: Parenthood went from good to great this sweeps month, and at a great time, too. Jason Katims’ masterpiece Friday Night Lightsis over, and I wonder if he strategically upped his game with Parenthood at the same time to grab FNL‘s insanely devoted fans and re-program them for the pleasant diversion that is Parenthood (or as I like to call it, “Hangin’ With The Bravermans”). Parenthood‘s always been watchable, but its problem has always been that there are absolutely no stakes. FNL always felt like life depended on its events – health, college, financial stability, pregnancy – whereas we always know the Bravermans will come back together, do the right thing, blah blah blah. That’s why this month has been different. The injection of Sarah’s ex-husband Seth and Crosby and Jasmine’s potential breakup have added tons of moral ambiguity to the show and made it appointment viewing for the first time ever. Both situations are real-life complicated in the best possible ways: Seth is a selfish addict, but he also sincerely wants to atone for his sins as a father, but he also has a violent streak, but he also lovingly restores guitars for his kids. The Crosby and Jasmine troubles aren’t quite as compelling, but they have a lot more resonance than I think fans are giving the show credit for. The fact is that Jasmine is ridiculously controlling, and doesn’tgive Crosby any of the trust a fiancée must give their intended spouse, and couldn’t care less about his plans for their family. The show is now trying to paint Crosby as a flat-out villain who must win his woman back, but the show’s depiction of issues that separate otherwise good people who are in love is as real as TV gets. This week’s episode was more of a epilogue to what’s happened over this arc than a main event, and it lapsed yet again into one of Parenthood‘s biggest problems, though, which is falling into the TV stereotype of fathers being dumbasses and mothers being sublime beings who simply must pull their neanderthal sperm donors kicking and screaming into enlightenment. I’ve already discussed the treatment of Crosby, Zeke is basically an insane person, and then there’s the sickening treatment of Joel, who’s had to completely put aside his life’s work for the better part of a decade to raise one child, and then caves to Julia who decides on a whim that she wants another child that Joel will raise and she’ll rarely see. This week it’s Adam, who thinks that telling a child with autism that “autism is awesome” might not be the way to go, but then realizes that would make him a hateful monster who’s scarred his son for life. Parenthood, you’re a great show now. Let’s dispense with the conventional TV wisdom that dads are shitty.

Greek: “Agents of Change”

Dennis: If I’ve been unusually silent on Greek this season, fret not, it’s not because I’m any less enamored with this show than previous seasons. I just fell behind due to a particularly busy schedule with non-TV-related things. This episode specifically featured the triumphant return of Frannie, who of all people helped teach a still sorority-emersed Casey a valuable lesson about branching out.

In what is more than likely the series’ final season, I’m happy to see the gang get closer and closer to adulthood, but I’m still sad, just like Casey with her sorority sisters (yeah, that’s right, I just compared myself to a sorority sister, I lack shame) I won’t be able to check in on their lives anymore.

Being Human: “I See Your True Colors… And That’s Why I Hate You”

Zoe: Despite being someone who is currently enjoying a show where a werewolf, a vampire, and a ghost are roommates, I’m a stickler for things making sense. Which is why it drives me up the wall when TV insist that things that never would be, would be. To wit: Josh is a guy in his late 20s/early 30s. Even if his family did embrace him as a werewolf, why would he have to live with them? Don’t most people stop living with their parents at a certain points–even one with life-altering conditions? It strikes me as wrong that Josh’s reconciliation with his family is apparently diametrically opposed to Josh being an independent adult. Wrong enough that it pulled me out of an otherwise highly enjoyable episode.

But I’m not here to whine or hate–let’s talk about what was awesome. Specifically: comedy Aiden. I’m a sucker for uptight vampires trying to be loose and casual and so the whole dinner scene, especially because pretend eating was involved, was a delight. Likewise, the pacing of this episode was a lot better: more happened, and when it didn’t, it was still engaging. I’m still not very interested in Sally’s drama about her death, mostly because being murdered is something she seems to treat on the same level as being told her boyfriend broke up with her. Sally could be really badass if they toned done they whining and upped the rage, but I appreciated how evil Danny is becoming. Likewise, the emergence of Marcus as a villain–not matter how many logical issues I have with vampire “families”–is a step in the right direction, especially if it means people actually get to fight and Amish vampires are involved.

V: “Uneasy Lies the Head”

Rawles: I can certainly say that now I feel substantially less ridiculous in my continued desire for Erica and Jack to make out. While it’s true the (wholly un-compelling) inevitable Erica/Hobbes hook-up is upon us, the entire episode also framed Erica and Jack in a pretty traditional star-crossed fashion. He’s the angel on her shoulder and Hobbes is the devil. She resists and resists and denies Jack’s position until she finally convinces him that the Erica he knew is gone, all to ensure that when she is ready to reach out to him again in a moment of vulnerability, he’s unwilling to listen. Then: enter convenient Hobbes, who Jack even threw jealous looks at earlier when Erica got a little close. He shows up at Erica’s house (in what have been the least stealthy action ever for the Fifth Column and that’s saying something) so that they can have sex on top of a picture of Joe and plunge us into what is sure to be one of the most awkward love triangles ever televised. Caught between two men (and the ghost of a third)! One is her dead ex-husband! The other is the one who killed him! The last: a priest!

At any rate, a lot of things I’ve been waiting for also managed to happen in this episode, Ryan actually had interesting interactions with other characters! I very much enjoyed all of his scenes with Lisa, Joshua, and Diana and though he’s still singing the same old song about saving his daughter, for the most part, the various ways he related to them — particularly his reverence for Diana and his compassion for Joshua — served to remind you that he does actually have a character and a history outside of his normal schtick. The show continues to taunt me by having people who could so easily be Tyler die in gruesome ways as Tyler just keeps on trundling about being the worst, but I expect that by now. Diana’s surety that Marcus is loyal to her was a great way to end the episode and unlike pretty much every other show I watch, I can find out what happens in a timely fashion sinceV will actually be back next week instead of on an interminable hiatus.

90210: “Blue Naomi”

Dennis: Just when nu90210 seems to finally be finding its footing, it goes and churns out a lame episode like this right before taking a month and a half hiatus. The show had been setting up long-lost Wilson cousin Emily (not to be confused with original 90210‘s Emily Valentine, who can never be duplicated) as the crazy new villain of the show, not unlike old 90210‘s later seasons’ Tiffani Thiessen addition. And just as nuEmily’s starting to really ruin Annie’s life, her character is abruptly declawed and sent packing to Arizona. Not cool! And while some may have tuned into this episode for Na’vi Naomi (as the title suggests), they would’ve been quickly disuaded from sticking around by Snoop Dogg shamelessly mugging it as himself, driving around in a car listening to his new tunes with Dixon riding shotgun, in the latest shameless promotion-weakly-diguised-as-subplot this show has brought us yet. Maybe even worse than Dixon’s Dr. Pepper-sponsored road trip from season one. Wow. Poor Tristan Wilds. He went from starring on The Wire, to being whored out on The CW for a plethora of product placement.

House: “Recession Proof”

Zoe: Unlike a lot of critical fans, I’m actually ok with House having a relationship with Cuddy. I mean, do I find it needless and incredibly boring at times? Heck yea. But I’m not opposed to House growing as a character (even though the writers squander that) and I’m a fan of the soap opera elements that have taken over late-period House. What I have never been a fan of, and what the show insists on doing is the moment where House says he’s going to do a normal thing and Wilson/Cuddy immediately launches into psychoanalyzing and guessing about how he will mess the thing up. For starters, this is boring and lazy. For second, it’s…well, that’s most of it. It’s just really dull to watch and makes Wilson/Cuddy seem as petty and mean as House can be, which also detracts from the main point of that character.

Look, I’ve accepted that House is what it is at this point. But that doesn’t mean in the shedding of other needless things, they couldn’t drop the above as well.

Raising Hope: “Snip Snip”

Dennis: Tuning in this week, we find Jimmy having to shave his drugged up father’s nether-regions, Sabrina and Virginia bonding over shared pregnancy scares, lucid Maw-Maw’s surprising knowledge of current wars, and an appearance from My Name is Earl’s Crab Man, Eddie Steeples as Tyler the Gas Man (the similar names make sense since both shows are from the same creator). If those plot points don’t sound delightfully hilarious, then I’m definitely doing this episode a disservice.

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena: “The Bitter End”

Robert: Whoo, boy. Forget The Walking Dead. This is how you put on a compelling six-episode season! Introducing new characters, revisiting established ones and building intriguing arcs around all of them—all the while setting the stage for what will happen in both the previous and upcoming seasons of Blood and Sand—is no easy task, but show creator Steven S. DeKnight and company seem to be up to the challenge. We learn how Solonius went from being a comrade to a nemesis and finally, we see how treachery delivers Naevia, Crixus and Ashur into their roles as we previously knew them. In fact, there’s so much that goes down in “The Bitter End” that by the time we get to the climactic fiery battle to the death between the houses of Batiatus and Solonius, the resulting outcome for Gannicus is a much-welcomed breather. For anyone thinking that it would be wise to watch this prequel series before watching the first season of Blood and Sand: think again. I won’t spoil, but the final shot of this series is a bittersweet moment that, although entirely warranted in its brutality, still feels poignant and haunting.

Top Chef: “Give Me Your Huddled Masses”

Dennis: I always get mad at Top Chef episodes where the judges wimp out and don’t vote anyone off, and this episode that did this was particularly aggravating. Sure, it was nice to see everyone cook well-received dishes (especially Tiffany, who’s languished toward the bottom more than I’d like this season) for their respective families, but now there are five people in the “finale”? (Let’s face it, said finale is probably going to take a week or three to resolve, and that’s not even including the usual reunion episode). And did this exercise in excess have to go an extra 16 minutes long to get to that point? Couldn’t the judges just have called the five cheftestants in, told them they all made it to the finals and been done with it? Why did we have to endure 15 minutes of American Idol-style theatrics? And why am I asking so many questions? Oh, because this was a filler episode if I ever saw one, way too late in the season for there to be one. Well, at least I have an answer to something.

How I Met Your Mother: “A Change of Heart”

Zoe: I’m going to admit upfront that a lot of what I liked about this episode is that the plot involved a holter monitor (that device Barney wore). As someone who has worn countless holters in my lifetime, I was way, way too excited to see one on TV–and on NPH no less!

Fortunately, the episode was good on other merits too. Barney’s growth as a character is the true drive of the show and it’s nice to see them stretch that further. Was it a bit too cheesy with the literal heart skipping a beat? Yes, yes it was. But did the rest work? Yes, yes it did. And in the B-plot, we had some mildly amusing stoner antics that didn’t detract from the main story. In a show that is going to be increasingly wheel-spinning by the nature of being in a late season, this was a pretty good HIMYM episode.

Remote Uncontrolled

47: To Be Concluded in 20 Days

V: “Birth Pangs”

Rawles: I feel as though I am enjoying V enough at this point that it is doomed to either spin off into a vortex of terribleness or get canceled. That tends to be my luck anyway. This week didn’t let down the potential set up last week for the most part. Erica is magnificently angry without it seeming like a massive character overhaul. She’s always had the ability to seize control of situations and command with confidence and ease, but there’s an edge now that — obviously as intended — fits with her wrestling the global Fifth Column under her command. We also finally got some actual screen time with Lisa that was only about 5% her calling Tyler’s name. He, unfortunately, persists in being alive and the worst, but Lisa’s connecting with her grandmother (who clearly has some ulterior motives) and openly rebelling against Anna is enough to distract from it. I can’t profess to care much about Ryan’s storyline at this point as I mostly just agree with Jack that he should have just told them what was going on. Though, I am interested in what alliances he might strike up in his attempts to get his daughter off of the ship. Aging her up to a more manageable, slightly less tiny and squirmy, age as part of one of Anna’s plots was so ludicrous as to almost swing back around to brilliant. I am, however, ambivalent on the Moment between Erica and Hobbes. Clearly it was inevitable what with him now hiding the fact that he’s responsible for her ex-husband’s death — drama! — but I’m just not really compelled. At all. Of course, I still want her to make out with a (former) priest, so maybe no one should listen to me anyway.

Being Human: “It Takes Two to Make a Thing Go Wrong”

Zoe: This was more like it for me. I get that this episode was, by some standards, sort of boring. But I started to watch this show because I wanted stuff like this more than I want stuff like…well, anything involving complicated vampire clan groups (I will never, ever understand why we’re supposed to believe a vampire would care about another, unless Bishop and Aiden had a very different relationship than the show has let on). I really just wanted a vampire/werewolf/ghost sitcom with some drama thrown in (OK, I wanted a soap opera) and scenes like the ones where Josh’s sister shows up at their place delivered perfectly. I want more of that but with enough of the angst thrown in. Maybe what I should be watching is Vampire Dairies. But let’s take a moment to talk about Aiden, who I think really shone in this episode. His character has a lot of potential one dimensionality in it–and also the greatest potential to bore me (see: vampire clans). But I think the actor is doing a superb job of getting into the smaller, more complicated quirks. Like the fact that Aiden has to pretend he doesn’t like vampire snuff porn, even to the two people he can share that stuff with. Like that he really doesn’t know as much as he lets on. Like that he wants to avoid things that are entirely his problems, even as he knows he should face them. It’s hints of Josh realizing how hard Aiden has to struggle every day, compared to his few times a month sojourns. And since I like Bishop, who knows, maybe vampire clan drama will compel me, if I can start getting real reasons for why they exist other than the fact that they always exist. And less cheesy episode titles while we’re at it!

The Simpsons “Angry Dad: The Movie”

Dennis: I couldn’t resist watching this award show-lampooning episode, and it’s nice to know The Simpsons still occasionally brings the funny. Much as I liked his viscous but accurate Globes-hosting, I could’ve done without the Ricky Gervais’ 9000th self-deprecating moment, but bravo to Halle Berry for not taking herself seriously here. And the The Triplets of Belleville-esque parody had me laughing until I almost was in tears.

Nikita: “Alexandra” and “Echoes”

Rawles: I remember watching the Nikita winter finale “All the Way” with my mouth hanging open in (totally enthralled) shock the entire time. The choices made during that episode, the ways in which they shifted the show’s paradigm without hesitation or beating around the bush was invigorating since usually, even when it would make perfect sense, shows don’t overthrow key parts of the basic plot of their show within the first eleven episodes. Now, in the course of two episodes — a whole sixteen in at this point – Nikita has done it yet again. It seemed for a moment like they’d take the easy way out. Granted, it’s hard to call anything easy after two grueling episodes completely psychologically deconstructing Alex and forcing her to deal with her past in particularly brutal ways. But when Amanda doesn’t find out the absolute truth about who Alex is, you are automatically trained as an audience to think, “Oh, good then she’s safe again for now.” Except: Amanda still recommends Alex for cancellation, because maybe she doesn’t know that Alex is a traitor, but it’s equally obvious that Alex has no interest in being there and doesn’t have the heart of a killer. Similarly, after Michael clearly got an inkling that something was going on with Alex as regards Nikita, you don’t expect him to actually figure it out. Get close? Sure. But then, in order to maintain the almighty status quo, he has to be misled at the finish line right? Instead: he legitimately figures it out. Let me repeat that. He sits down, sixteen episodes into the first season of the show, and he figures out the massive deception that is at the center of the show’s fundamental premise. There’s a lot else that could be said. About how Nikita’s desire to protect Alex at any cost might play into her continued goal of bringing down Division. About what exactly Alex is going to do about her father’s lost empire and how that could hurt or help her goals or Nikita’s and to what extent those goals are the same. About how Alex can possibly maintain her position at Division given that on one end she’s perceived as too much of a risk to keep alive and on another it is known for a fact that she’s working with Nikita. But really. The episode ends with Michael showing up at Nikita’s loft. And there isn’t another new episode until April. April! As such, I’m too busy flipping tables to start combing through the details. Perhaps sometime in the next MONTH AND A HALF, I’ll get back to you. April! (At her loft.)

Gossip Girl “While You Weren’t Sleeping”

Dennis: Like Robin and Barney on How I Met Your Mother, a pairing of Dan and Blair seems in theory like it could be either really hot or really not, and should therefore be treated with great caution. But so far so good! OK, so all we’ve seen so far is Dan and Blair finally admitting they don’t hate each other, and Blair falling asleep on Dan in his Brooklyn loft but that’s still more intriguing and precious than anything else in this episode. Seriously, I have no idea what the hell was going on in the rest of this episode. There were lots of crossing, double-crossing, and triple-crossing going on between lots of characters (Russell, Ben, Damien, even poor, perpetually recurring birthday boy Eric) that aren’t even regulars, so why should I be motivated to care? Bring me more Dan and Blair!

30 Rock: “TGS Hates Women”

Zoë: If you don’t dip your toes into the feminist blog world on occasion, this episode was maybe about making fun of Sarah Silverman/Lady Gaga and more Hit Girl becoming Jack’s rival. And if you do follow the lady blogs, than this episode was a response to the “Tina Fey backlash” and also mostly about Hit Girl becoming Jack’s rival. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see 30 Rock respond to the critique and do it in a relatively tasteful way–the show isn’t shying away from the real points, but does explore the complexity of the issues regarding gender and women in comedy, which is more than, say, the Daily Show did when faced with some of the same. However, I just didn’t find the plot all the engaging. It had it’s funny moments, but I guess when you spend a lot of your time reading about the complexity of lady issues, you don’t need to see them in a reduced form on TV. And the “reason” for the baby voice was so paper thin that I lost interest. I mean, can’t the reason be that people change? I suppose that would have had less humor than domestic violence? But Hit Girl vs. Jack! So, really, who cares about the rest of the episode?

Dennis: Does anyone else feel like sometimes 30 Rock can be really brilliant but not even remotely funny at the same time? That’s how I felt about this episode. As someone who actually reads Jezebel, I understood what this episode was doing with its Sarah Silverman/Abby Elliot/Olivia Munn/Chelsea Handler-parodying plot, but couldn’t there have been at least laugh-evoking moment in here? Also, is it me or have we spent way too much time in the writers’ room this season? As someone who writes things (clearly?), I feel guilty typing that, but if the writers’ room means having to endure Lutz and that girl with the ridiculous accent, I want none of it!

RuPaul’s Drag Race “The Snatch Game”

Dennis: Remember last season when The Match Game-inspired challenge was filled with hilarious celebrity impressions? Well, not this year. A frenetic Tyra Banks bleeding from the nose from smiling with her eyes too much? Nah, I’m good. An Alecia Keys impression which was just a bunch of creepy lesbian stereotypes? Just plain offensive. Logo should set its standards higher than this.

Community: “Intro to Political Science“

Zoë: I love Community, but I think they did this episode before. In fact, I think every Jeff/Annie-based episode has been this episode. Does that mean it sucked? No, because there was hardly any Pierce! But also because this show rarely sucks, but that doesn’t mean every week is greatness. It was a solid episode with plenty of good gags, but I just can’t get invested in the “Jeff is a jerk, Annie is sad, Jeff recants” cycle again. Either have them make out or discover new storylines they could do. That said, I appreciate the subtle paralleling of why Pierce joined the race (to get back at a young women for a minor wrong) with why Jeff joined (to get back at a young woman for a minor wrong). For all the complaining I did about Pierce last week, he does work well like this—as a background, Leonard-like character, the specter of Jeff to come. I appreciate that the show doesn’t push that theme, but it’s there, and no amount of hugs will get rid of it unless Jeff stops taking the bait every time. On the other hand, Abed flirting and a fake new show and an awesome burn at The Real World. You shouldn’t have, show.

Remote Uncontrolled

46: National Lampoon’s Vacation From The Show

Jeff, a white male in a grey sweater, is stapling Pierce, an old white man in a vest, to a bulletin board.

Community: “Intermediate Documentary Filmmaking”

Zoe: If Community, as it was originally positioned, is the story of the redemption of Jeff Winger, than it has excelled at that regard. While is not not a douchebag these days, he’s clearly also a good person, worthy of caring about and caring for. He does—and will—do bad things, but he struggles with his flaws rather than embraces them. He is the rare genuinely lovable asshole, a trope I dislike, but that works very well here.

Contrast Jeff’s hard earned redemption, then, with Pierce’s “redemption” tonight. I have made no bones about my immense dislike of Pierce, particularly of late, but this episode takes the cake. I can only assume the writing staff, who do so well with Jeff, actually want us to hate Pierce and have the study group be rube for his malcontentness. It’s the only explanation that makes sense, because the other—that the people who wrote this episode think that we can walk away from it thinking Pierce should be brought back into the fold—is delusional. I mean, let me put it this way: when Jeff started punching Pierce, instead of being horrified, I said “finally!”

That said, the episode was no failure. It was funny and heartfelt and included lots of Donald Glover’s freaking out which is wonderful. I just can’t help but want Pierce gone or an episode where every character yells at him. And soon.

Rawles: I suppose at this point, with the second episode in three weeks focusing heavily on him, I can no longer avoid The Pierce Problem. The Pierce Problem is that I just don’t care about Pierce. I don’t care about his story. I don’t care about his feelings. I don’t care about his relationships. While I sometimes — often — lose patience with Jeff, he is a character with actual redeeming qualities. Pierce is both toxic and extraneous. He adds exactly nothing to the show except perhaps the verisimilitude of the fact that sometimes in life you are forced to spend time with terrible people that you hate. It might be less tiresome if anything was being accomplished, but we just keep learning the same “lesson” over and over again. Pierce is a lonely, horrible man and the others mostly just pity him and fail to ever take him seriously, but will never actually eject him from the group. We’ve been over this multiple times now and nothing has changed. Let’s move on.

Paul: This week’s episode plunged deep into the stinky heart of Pierce is the Worst territory. Let me just lay it out, here: I could live without Pierce. No, wait, let me try that again: Pierce can go straight to hell. His continued acceptance by the study group beggars belief. They need to have a breakthrough with that character, or he’d going to seriously affect my ability to enjoy the show. That said, this was an excellent Jeff episode. It’s rare we see past his calculated facade.

Upon reflection, I feel that “Intermediate Documentary Filmmaking” really wasn’t much of a comedy. There were a few chuckles to be had in the meta-skewering of The Office-style narrative, but the only real laughs came from Troy’s catatonia upon meeting LeVar Burton—and even then I was laughing half out of horrified sympathy. I don’t know if it was a miscalculation or not, but the things Pierce did to his “friends” weren’t funny, and I wasn’t laughing.

30 Rock: “It’s Never Too Late For Now”

Dennis: Seriously, is anyone ever clamoring for a Frank and Pete B-plot? Especially if involves them forming a band? And that involves a cliched Yoko joke? (I would’ve expected this from Saved by the Bell, but not you, 30 Rock!) While I enjoyed Liz’s fanny pack, pet cat Emily Dickinson, and orchestrated hook-up (I’m sure glad to see ER‘s Eion Bailey back on TV), I was NEVER TOO unaware that I was staying up too LATE FOR this episode. Hah. See what I just did there with the song title/title of this episode? Yeah, just as lame.

V: “Siege”

Rawles: I would say this was the episode of my dreams, but #1 Tyler isn’t dead, and #2 Erica didn’t actually make out with Jack, so that would be a lie. That said, I can no longer tell whether V is legitimately improving more and more or if I’m just suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. It doesn’t really matter though because that was, quite simply, epic. Erika’s Fifth Column has mostly been floundering for the majority of the series, attempting to figure things out and rarely ever fighting the war they’re all there for. Though it was obvious that Joe would die as soon as he and Erica looked like they would reconcile, tying that into Erica taking a pro-active approach, ending up in command of the global Fifth Column, and the final rift between her and Tyler all in the course of one big, literal explosion was just spectacular. Both Erica’s remaining followers swearing their shiny-eyed, adoring fealty to her and her acting on behalf of every single human who has ever watched V by slapping Tyler in the face were the cherry on top. I still want them to do more with Lisa and in a more organic way than her just wandering by and stumbling onto her grandmother, but that promises interesting developments — and finally an ally for her on the ship after her last one got taken away by convenient amnesia– so I won’t complain.

Being Human: “The End of the World as We Know It”

Zoe: It’s basically impossible for me to resist a good villain. As I’ve discussed on Blood Lust, villainy takes more than just an evil person or menacing–a good villain makes sense. And so while Being Human did manage to go over some old ideas again this week, Bishop is really beginning to grow on me as a nemesis, mostly because he’s not even that evil. Sure, vampires are evil (though this world doesn’t seem to take a stance on their souls) but Bishop’s end game–to True Blood the world, so to speak–is not the worst idea ever. It’s not even a bad idea, or an evil one. It’s one that a slightly different Aiden could even get behind. And while I’m sure it involves a lot more killing that I, or Aiden, am comfortable with, it’s not a run-of-the-mill “destroy everything” plan and I appreciate that.

Likewise, I really appreciated some of the revelations we got this week, even though a few had been spoiled by reading the Wikipedia page for the British version. I suspected Danny as a killer and so I wasn’t shocked, but I really liked the way it bonds Sally to Aiden and Josh. The scene where she tells Aiden was particularly heartfelt, especially since this is a guy who has just come from dealing with his own problems. Likewise, the dinner scene at the end was sweet (and makes me want a montage of vampires pretending to enjoy food from TV and movies), but also hit on what I think the core of the show should be. I want more bonding between these characters. Their struggles are important, but they’ve also been done. I want the roommate bonding, the discussions, the communal problem-solving. Recent pop culture trends have made it possible for me to be jaded about werewolf/vampire in-fighting–but not about those groups being awkward roommates. More of that, please.

Top Chef: “Lock Down”

Dennis: Who knew having Sesame Street characters who can’t even digest food (sorry if that shatters your dreams) as guest judges could be so much fun? Seriously, can someone ensure that season two of Top Chef: Just Desserts has Cookie Monster as a permanent judge? But, I guess I had to take the good (Muppets!) with the bad (bad… brought to you by Target) this week. This show has always straddled the line with product placement, and it might’ve crossed it with this one. I think setting the challenge in Target wouldn’t have necessarily been bad on its own, if only the episode’s dialogue hadn’t devolved quickly into, “Target, Target, Target. Target is great. So much stuff at Target. TARGET!” Speaking of (ugh) targets, it seems like Tiffany has a metaphorical one on her, after she outlasted former season-mate Angelo, to it seemed, everyone’s surprise. Even if Texas Tiff doesn’t make it to the finals, I’m hoping she can at least pull through and get some sort of win next week, before any possible elimination? After this week’s all-Chicago season winner’s circle, I think it’s time to (pick your food pun) mix/shake/spice things up a bit.

The Vampire Diaries: “The Dinner Party”

Rawles: This was easily the strongest episode since the break. While I cannot begin to imagine or make sense of what has happened with Bonnie’s powers, she and Jeremy are at least cute. Everything else was aces. Jenna finally being mildly less oblivious was a very long time coming, and while she still isn’t in the loop, she’s at least aware that there are some secrets being kept. I genuinely feel badly about the problems she and Alaric are having since they were quite pleasant together. I can’t really make sense of why exactly Alaric would give John his ring since it’s not as if Alaric can’t solve this problem himself by just telling Jenna what’s happening. Nor can I figure out what exactly John is supposed to do to correct this or if he’s supposed to do anything. But really that was all a sidebar distracting from the main storylines. Stefan takes Elena on a tour of his past so that we can get flashbacks of my beloved Lexi and Elena can be convinced to actually up a fight. Damon fails a lot at killing Elijah and Elena is forced to be an utter bad-ass to save the day, and then tops it off by demanding that the Brothers Salvatore play by her rules from now on. Then, just when there wasn’t enough excellence being brought to bear, Katherine makes her way out of the tomb. This is why I watch the show. I don’t care if I never see another werewolf again.

The Good Wife “Net Worth”

Dennis: Just as I feared, The (Not So) Great Will and Alicia Dance continues. For what seems like the 50000th time, Alicia tries to talk to Will, and asks him what his message said.. and he lies and says he just wanted to be friends. Ugh. Just make out already. I suppose the same could be said for Kalinda and Blake, but they got pretty close while stripped down to their skivvies (before Blake took a baseball bat to the ribs from his mixed messages rival), so I’ll let that one slide. Meanwhile, even the case of the week was kind of lame, and even more “ripped from the headlines” than usual. Memo to The Good Wife writers: Acknowledging that you’re kind of ripping off The Social Network while ripping it off, doesn’t make it any more fun to sit through.